


let your whole world fall.

by junfhongs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, undercover detective au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>trust is not a broken plate that can be made more beautiful by attempting to fix the cracks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let your whole world fall.

 “They got him.”

Jongdae’s head peeked out from over his cubicle wall. Joonmyun held the pen in his hand tightly before it slipped out of his grasp and flew behind him. He looked up and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Where?”

“Interrogation room.” Jongdae turned the corner to stop Joonmyun before he ran across the hall. “Are you sure you want to be the one talking to him?”

Joonmyun’s eyes were trained on the floor beneath Jongdae. “Who else wants to do it?” When he looked up, anger and agony streaked his face before he wiped it away. “No one’s been on this case longer than I have.”

“It’s not about the case, Joonmyun,” said Jongdae. “It’s personal.”

 _“Who cares if it is?”_ He stood up in a rush. The rest of the precinct took one look at his state, glanced at the man they could see from the small window in the interrogation room’s door, and went back to their business.

Everyone had been to the spare room at the second floor. Everyone had seen the colored yarn stuck to blurry pictures of people with question marks next to their presumed names. Everyone had watched Joonmyun wake up on the couch in the pantry with his laptop on his chest. Everyone observed as their precinct’s top detective slowly crumbled in the chase for his ex-fiancé, the man who conned him into giving away almost all his life savings with a quick signature and a peck on the cheek.

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun placed a hand on his shoulder as he passed by him, “call my lawyer.”

“Already did.” Jongdae smiled at him, just a small quirk of his lips. “Good luck.”

He and Jongdae had been partners on countless cases, and Joonmyun was proud to call him one of his closest friends. They had each other’s backs; this only proved that.

Joonmyun had his hand on the doorknob for the longest time. He kept his profile hidden from view and leaned against the door. Minseok, their captain, passed by and nodded at him before entering the observation room through the other door.

Joonmyun felt a presence in front of him and looked up. “Nothing’s going to happen if you just stand there,” Kyungsoo said. He put on his coat and motioned towards the door. “As your lawyer, I strongly suggest not speaking to him.”

“As a cop, I sadly have to inform you that it’s my job,” said Joonmyun. Kyungsoo swatted his hand as he tried to turn the doorknob. “Come on. I can handle myself in there.”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath. “Let me go in first. Don’t look at him, don’t say a single word, and let me test the waters. Once we’ve established that we have the upper hand no matter what he does, you can come in with whatever police work you need. Can you do it?”

Joonmyun shrugged. “Just go.” He opened the door for Kyungsoo and waited a few seconds before he followed suit.

It took him by surprise, the exhaustion in his features. The last time they saw each other was eight months ago; Joonmyun tracked him down to a local marketplace. He was sitting in a nearby café watching the perimeter. Jongdae was undercover as a shopping civilian. Sehun had eyes into the surveillance cameras on every corner.

Joonmyun saw him first. He was the still the same, _always_ the same, though his hair grew back to its natural color and his shoulders seemed more hunched than usual. Joonmyun would chide him about it, but he knew that it was his way of teasing Joonmyun about his height. And there were nights when he’d pull him down by the tie and...

They made eye contact, a split second of Joonmyun’s lips almost curving into a smile, and then they were in pursuit. Jongdae dropped his plums and rounded a corner to cut into his path, but he slipped into a narrow alleyway that led straight into the plaza.

“Sehun!” Joonmyun said into his earpiece. “Give us a visual!”

 _“On it,”_ Sehun said. It took him a few minutes to respond, but Jongdae was already searching for him in the center of the square. Joonmyun went into every side street with no luck. Panic punched him in the gut.

“Sehun?” Joonmyun said. His voice was faint when it dawned on him. _They lost him. Again._

And now they had him back. Joonmyun didn’t know if he was happy to know it was over, relieved to see him alive, or furious, _so furious,_ to see him in his life again. He had spent the majority of two years chasing after him in his spare time. The chase was difficult, but facing him in real life?

It was even worse.

 _“Wu Yifan,”_ Kyungsoo started his voice recorder, “alleged businessman. Actual con man, thief, expert hacker, fraud, and accomplice to it.” He paused his recorder. “Asshole, too. Off the record.”

“Nice seeing you too, Kyungsoo,” Yifan said. Joonmyun stood in the corner, leaning against the wall for support. At the sound of his voice, he pressed back even harder. Yifan looked up at him briefly, but his eyes darted away when Joonmyun kept his gaze to Kyungsoo’s back.

“Eyes here, Wu.” Kyungsoo turned his recorder on. “Add evading arrest to your list of offenses, but that’s not my job. My client has a bone to pick with you.” He opened his briefcase. “About a million dollars’ worth of it.

“You are also associated with Lu Han, the man who claimed to be your boss in your ‘small business’ but was actually your accomplice in conning my client. He is among others that can also be attributed to Mr. Lu’s work. He’s been on the run as well.”

“Lu Han and I... “ Yifan bit his lip. “We’re not associates anymore.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you were, and my client’s suing you for it.” Kyungsoo looked behind him and nodded.

Joonmyun stepped forward, taking the case file from the table. That’s when Yifan learned to keep his head down. That’s when Joonmyun felt his years of burning rage suddenly simmer to a cold detachment. He thought he would scream, rip at Yifan, but instead he could only list down every offense on Yifan’s case and stare straight into his soul.

“You’ve put up quite a fight, Yifan. Against me and the police.” Joonmyun put the folder down. “We could end that with a deal.”

 _“What?”_ Both Yifan and Kyungsoo said.

“We have reason to believe that a certain Victoria Song is involved in the… accidents happening to her constituents in order to fully gain their assets for her company. For the past year, several smaller electronics companies have been bought by Song Incorporated, and their profits have skyrocketed to almost 300%. That wouldn’t normally be suspicious, but at least a month prior to the deal, core members of those companies would be in ‘accidents’ that almost take their lives. One person died.

“We thought they were all coincidences until we found the connection with Song Incorporated. We need to tie Victoria Song directly to these incidents before we can make an arrest.”

Yifan folded his hands together. “And what does that have to do with me?” He paused. “Nothing, if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

Joonmyun shook his head. “We need a way into her life. We need to get into her inner circle and get her talking. We need to involve ourselves in her business to see how it works.”

“How do you think I’m going to help with that?”

“You have connections. Resources.” Joonmyun glanced at the file in Kyungsoo’s briefcase. “About a million dollars’ worth, if I’m not wrong.”

Yifan tilted his head in discomfort, avoiding Joonmyun’s eyes. “Joonmyun…”

“I’ll drop the charges against you,” Joonmyun said. Kyungsoo made a sound of protest. “After you help us close this case, you can walk the streets as a free man.”

Kyungsoo stood up suddenly, brows furrowed as he stared at Joonmyun. He pulled him outside while Yifan contemplated the deal. _“Are you insane?”_ he said.

Minseok stormed out of the observation room and glared at Kyungsoo. “Are _you_ insane? He was going to crack. We were finally going to make some progress on this case that we’ve been stuck in for months.”

“And we’ve been pursuing Yifan for the better part of _two years,_ Captain.” Kyungsoo turned to face Joonmyun. “You’ve invested too much of your life to let him go like his.”

Joonmyun heard his voice crack with misplaced concern and desperation. He would have none of that. “It doesn’t matter,” Joonmyun said. “We’ll find _something_ against him. I can’t be the only person he’s fucked over.”

“So you’re going to use him?” Kyungsoo said. “This is how you work?”

“Did he have the same compassion when he used me?” asked Joonmyun, voice dripping with spite. “It’s just a job that has to be done.”

Kyungsoo shook his head at the two of them. He messed up his hair in frustration. “You know what? Fine. It’s just work, right?” He looked at Yifan through the small window in the door. “I had plans tonight. If you were just going to let him go, you might as well have not called me to be here.”

“Kyungsoo—” Joonmyun tried to, but he just shook his head as he had a hand on the doorknob.

“I supported you from the very day he left. I was there when you were _dying_ inside, Joonmyun.” He opened the door. “I hope you’re making the right decision.”

Kyungsoo took his things, nodded at Yifan, and walked out of the precinct without a single word. Minseok placed a hand on Joonmyun’s shoulder. “You’re not changing your mind, are you?”

“Too late for that now,” Joonmyun said. When he went back inside, this time without Kyungsoo serving as his shield, Yifan could look at him without wincing at the emptiness in Joonmyun’s eyes.

“You’re offering me something huge. How are you sure I’m the solution to your case?” Yifan was trying to play Joonmyun; he knew that. Seeing Kyungsoo storm off destroyed the illusion that they were some sort of perfect team ready to break him down, and he wanted an advantage over Joonmyun. He wasn’t going to get it.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself. You’re not the solution. You’re just a gateway.” Joonmyun sat down in front of him. The detachment he felt heated up at the proximity to Yifan. “Have you ever had any contact with Victoria Song?”

Yifan leaned back. “Who said I’m taking your offer?”

Joonmyun slammed his palms on the table. “You’d be an idiot not to! You have a long list of sins to pay for, Yifan. You’ve also managed to piss off every detective in this precinct.” He motioned at the rest of the office with a careless wave of his hand. “We are giving you a fighting chance. _Take it._ ”

Yifan stayed silent for a few minutes. Joonmyun kept his eyes on him, waiting for any sign that he’s made up his mind. His mind started to wander after a while, and he crawled back into his first memories of Yifan. He always wondered: _how was I deceived so quickly, so thoroughly?_

It was typical of him to be the one to approach Yifan first. They met at a gala hosted by Joonmyun’s family. They were celebrating the golden anniversary of their company, and Joonmyun remembered being four years younger and a lot more impulsive than he was now. He remembered sitting by the bar and entertaining old friends he wished he got rid of much earlier in his life. It would have saved him the trouble of having to deal with them now.

Then there was Yifan, sitting alone and quiet in a table filled with people. He seemed silently content with his position, but Joonmyun was the one who established eye contact. He was the one who ignored the old flames surrounding him to raise a glass at the tall stranger halfway across the room. He was the one who walked towards him, smile growing as the blank stare from the man slowly morphed into an interested spark.

“Having fun?” Joonmyun asked, taking the seat right beside him. The tall stranger laughed and took a sip of his drink.

“Honestly?” Joonmyun nodded, though it took some effort for him to mask the shiver he felt at the sound of his voice. “I’m just a representative and I don’t know a single soul in this room.”

He smiled. “Except you, I guess.”

And at that exact moment, Joonmyun knew he was _so_ smitten. They introduced themselves shortly after, and Yifan was the name running through his mind all night. Even as his father called him up onstage to join their toast, he had his eyes on Yifan and the way he held himself with such quiet poise.

Joonmyun chased after him when he left the ballroom, and Yifan held the door to the elevator when he saw him through the reflection on the walls. “Floor?” Yifan asked, long fingers on the panel.

“Thirty-second. You?”

“Twenty-seventh,” he said but he only pressed one button. Joonmyun waited a beat, paused for a pulse, but Yifan didn’t move an inch.

That was a clear enough sign for Joonmyun to pull him down by the collar, other hand on the back of his neck. Yifan held him by the hips and allowed Joonmyun to control the pace and to press him hard against the elevator walls. The doors almost opened once, but Yifan slammed the close button with his elbow in the instant it started to open. Joonmyun laughed against his lips, tilting his head back to take a breath. Yifan pressed soft kisses against the expanse of his neck and held his waist tightly.

“I didn’t read that wrong, did I?” Joonmyun asked breathlessly as the doors opened to the twenty-seventh floor. Yifan leaned down for another kiss, softer and slower this time. He led Joonmyun to his room, to his bed, and to a night Joonmyun wouldn’t forget.

That morning, Joonmyun woke up to warm sheets and an arm slung over his waist.

Now, Joonmyun was brought out of his reverie by the cool surface of the metal table being unbearable beneath his palms. Yifan still looked deep in thought, but his eyes had a hard emotion in it. It felt like defeat.

“How are you sure I’m not going to be on the receiving end of those accidents?” Yifan said. “If I associate myself with the police—”

“You are going to receive the same protection that every civilian deserves,” said Joonmyun, “unless you’d like to be treated as a criminal, sent to prison, and tried even if you could have done something to prevent that. You are being given a choice. Some people don’t even get half a chance.”

Yifan stared at the wall. When he closed his eyes, it was like it physically pained him to say the words. .”I’m a friend of a friend. We’ve met once a few years ago, and I’m not entirely sure if our mutual friend will help me out. I’ll have to pull some strings,” Yifan said. He met eyes with Joonmyun. “You’re letting me go after this?”

“Get Victoria Song behind bars or prove her innocence. Then we’ll let you go,” said Joonmyun. It almost made him feel sick to be lying so blatantly. He wasn’t a vengeful person, but Yifan stole more than just money. He stole joy from Joonmyun’s life, he stole three years of his life, and he stole Joonmyun’s ability to _trust,_ completely and openly.

It was Yifan’s turn to be played. Somehow, Joonmyun wasn’t satisfied.

 

 

 

“Is this necessary?” Yifan asked as Joonmyun secured the ankle monitor on him. “I’m on your side.”

“Precaution,” said Joonmyun. He scouted the café earlier, noting the possible exit points and spots where he could observe. Yifan told him to stay behind in the car just in case his contact got a glimpse of him. A question popped into his mind. “Who is your contact anyway?”

“Friend,” Yifan corrected. “Amber Liu; you remember her, right?”

With a casual comment, Joonmyun was reminded of how deeply they were involved in each other’s lives. Joonmyun was a regular sight in Yifan’s office; Yifan would go out with Joonmyun’s non-detective friends every few weeks. Then there were the traces of Yifan’s deceit. Joonmyun had no image of Yifan to plaster on every wall; Yifan, as Joonmyun liked to imagine, had his face on his mind at all times.

Joonmyun dug his nails into his palm and nodded. “Is she there already?”

“She says she is. I’ll go around the block and make it look natural.” Yifan parked a few buildings away before he exited the car. Joonmyun knocked on the window beside the passenger’s seat to get Yifan’s attention.

“Put on the earpiece,” Joonmyun said.

Yifan rolled his eyes. “Come on, I’ll be in and out as quickly as possible.” Joonmyun stared straight at him. “Fine.”

“I don’t need any further complications on this operation, Yifan. Every word you say will be monitored.”

Yifan nodded and walked towards the café. Joonmyun set up his earpiece and laptop. “Sehun?”

 _“I got eyes,”_ Sehun said through the earpiece.

 _“What the hell?”_ Yifan said. _“I didn’t know this was a three-way—”_

 _“Five-way,”_ Minseok interrupted. _“The entire team dedicated to this investigation is monitoring the situation. We’ve spent too long for this to be derailed by a con.”_

Joonmyun winced at his choice of words. Minseok was harsher to Yifan because his mind held only memories of Joonmyun’s hollow eyes and furious obsession. He didn’t have nostalgia leaking on every chapter and every page that had Yifan’s name on it. He wasn’t burdened with thoughts that hung over him like a heavy cloud.

To Minseok, Yifan was a faceless threat that now resurfaced as a hesitant ally.

To Joonmyun, Yifan was a whirlwind that shook him to the core and a shadow that creeped along the edges to haunt his daily thoughts for years.

Yifan was ordering a drink when he made a startled sound. _“Amber. Nice seeing you again.”_

 _“You too.”_ She laughed. _“Lighten up. You’re acting like we haven’t been friends since elementary.”_

 _“That was a long time ago,”_ Yifan said. _“Are you still_ best friends _with Victoria Song?”_

Amber snorted. _“She’s too busy for a lowlife like me, sure, but she’s not getting rid of me that easily.”_ Yifan’s deep laughter was heard through the earpiece. _“How are you, Yifan? How’s, uh, business?”_

_“Not that active in that side recently, but…”_

The feedback was suddenly cut off. Joonmyun’s senses jumped into high alert, double checking the status of their devices. “Sehun? What’s going on with Yifan through the cameras?”

 _“He dropped the earpiece into a glass of water,”_ said Sehun. _“Amber didn’t notice.”_

Joonmyun unlocked the car. “Captain, do I intervene?”

 _“No,”_ Minseok said. _“We’ll just have to hope that he doesn’t give anything away.”_

Joonmyun’s jaw twitched. What was Yifan even _thinking?_ If he thought he was getting away from this deal, he was horribly wrong. “Captain, I really don’t feel comfortable with this situation.”

 _“Wait,”_ Jongdae said, _“Amber looks comfortable. She doesn’t look like she senses anything wrong.”_

_“Let it go, Joonmyun, but get ready for pursuit if needed.”_

The seconds ticked by, and Joonmyun grew antsy at how helpless he felt. Sehun and Jongdae would update him on the little info they could pick up from the surveillance cameras, but Joonmyun’s mind was a blur. Almost half an hour passed before he heard a tap on the window. Joonmyun unlocked the door and stared at Yifan as he settled into the driver’s seat.

He smacked Yifan on his head. “Don’t you _ever_ pull crap like that again.”

“I wasn’t comfortable,” Yifan said. “It’s better that I took it off so that Amber could let her tongue slip a bit.”

“And what did she say?”

“Victoria’s having a little party in a few weeks. It’s meant for friends, friends of friends, and potential business partners.” Yifan bit his lip. “Like me.”

Joonmyun raised his eyebrow. “What story did you tell her?”

“I’m trying to invest, let my money grow instead of taking it from others.” Yifan cleared his throat while Joonmyun shifted in his seat. “Amber gave me an invitation with a plus one.”

“Huh,” Joonmyun exhaled. “Good job. Let’s go back to the precinct.”

Minseok and Jongdae were waiting in his office. Yifan dropped the envelope holding the invitation on Minseok’s desk. “Done.”

“Good,” Minseok said. “We need to figure out the plan now that we have a way in. This is going to be a deep cover operation. As soon as you show your face to Song, you need to limit communication with the rest of the team. Build your safe houses and all, but you’re on your own.”

Jongdae took the envelope and read through the invitation. “It should be me.”

“What? No.” Joonmyun scoffed. “I’m better at going undercover.”

Jongdae pulled him aside. “You’re going to have to go undercover with _him_ for an unknown period of time _,_ ” he whispered. “Are you ready for that?”

“Why is everyone so concerned about me?” Joonmyun furrowed his brows. “This is about—”

“The mission, yes,” Jongdae said. He glanced at Yifan again. “We’re concerned because you’re acting like everything’s perfectly fine when it’s not. Pursuing him took dedication and _pain;_ you can’t just be perfectly fine, Joonmyun. You don’t say it, you don’t show it, but I know.”

At that moment, Yifan’s phone rang in the middle of complete silence. He cursed in Mandarin when he saw the caller ID. “It’s Amber.”

Minseok stood up and started pacing. “Put it on loudspeaker.”

“Hey, Amber. Is everything alright?” Yifan said with a cheeky smile that translated into a tense voice. He put his phone down on Minseok’s desk.

 _“Yeah, yeah, things are fine. Just saw something that made me curious a while ago,”_ she said. Yifan took a deep breath.

“What is it?”

 _“I saw someone in the car with you. Wasn’t that your boyfriend from a few years ago?”_ Yifan gritted his teeth. _“Didn’t you two break up?”_

“We did,” Yifan answered as a reflex. Minseok’s eyes widened and he urged him to say something. “But we, uh, got back together a few months ago.”

_“So the ring on your finger…”_

Yifan looked down and saw himself fiddling with the ring she was talking about. He looked at Joonmyun and waited for him to give some sort of response before he could reply to Amber. Joonmyun couldn’t bear to meet his eyes.

“We’re engaged.”

Joonmyun sat down and buried his head in his hands. Jongdae was right; he wasn’t okay with this. He knew how the story would go, and it sickened him to think that he’d have to go in there as Yifan’s _fiancé._ The world was playing with him again, tossing him around like a helpless rag doll.

_“Hey that’s great! Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”_

Yifan sat down on the chair beside the table. “Slipped out of my mind, I guess.”

 _“That’s usually the type of thing people mention first.”_ She paused. _“I’m happy for you.”_

“Thanks, Amber. It’s been…” Yifan swallowed as he looked at Joonmyun on the couch. “It’s been really great. Crazy, even.”

 _“Tell me more about it,”_ Amber teased. _“I’ve never seen Wu Yifan so in love.”_

“Ah, that’s too embarrassing. I’m with him right now,” Yifan said. Joonmyun still couldn’t look him in the eyes. “We’re going through our investments and all.”

_“Oh, so he’s your business partner too?”_

“Yeah.” Yifan took the phone from the desk. “We’ll see you in three weeks.”

 _“Nice talking, Yifan. Really, I am happy for you.”_ Amber hung up.

Joonmyun stood up and sniffed. “That’s settled then.”

“Joonmyun—” Yifan tried to speak, but Joonmyun wouldn’t have any of it.

“Shut up. I have to be deep undercover as your fiancé for who knows how long, developing a life— _our_ life—that doesn’t exist,” Joonmyun said, seething with frustration. “You don’t get to make any more decisions from now on.”

“That’s unfair; I’m being dragged into this too, Joonmyun!” Yifan yelled. “Not everything is about you—”

“I’m not making this about me! This is about an operation that keeps getting more and more complicated to pull off!”

Yifan scoffed. “Oh please. You’re preaching about being professional but you’re the one who’s waiting for an opportunity to lodge a bullet in my brain.”

“Are you telling me I don’t have the right to?” Joonmyun hissed. “Do you even think about how much you fucked me up when you ruined my _life?_ ”

Yifan shook off the question. “I’m asking you to _give me a chance._ ”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Joonmyun slammed his fist onto the desk. The force shot up his forearm, but he resisted the urge to wince. “This _is_ a chance. We are extending patience and _trust_ that you don’t deserve, Yifan.”

They stayed in tense silence for several minutes. Joonmyun and Yifan were on opposite sides of the room while Jongdae and Minseok were smoothing out details they had control over. Minseok cleared his throat as Jongdae nodded and left the office.

“Joonmyun, Yifan. I hate to say this, but you need to sort things out. If you don’t convince them that you two are partners, you endanger the entire mission. It’s a difficult situation, but you have to work out all the kinks in your story.” He handed them a set of keys. “There’s a room on the third floor. Take all the time you need.”

Joonmyun bowed and left the room, wanting to put more and more distance between him and Yifan. He caught up on the landing right before the third floor, but they stayed silent until Joonmyun settled down in the room and Yifan sat by the window to stare out of it.

“Do you still have your ring?” Yifan asked. His voice cracked a bit; they had been quiet for too long.

Joonmyun sighed. They had to start eventually. “Bedside table. In the box you proposed with.”

Yifan winced. Joonmyun sighed again. It was barely past noon, and they were already exhausted beyond belief. Joonmyun would ask a question, build a world that they were supposed to live in, and Yifan would respond with things that felt like they came out of a fairytale. Yifan would ask a question, figure out the damage he caused Joonmyun when he revealed his lies, and Joonmyun would respond with a glazed over version of the months he spent in pain before he transformed it to the burning resolve that led them here.

They spent all day locked up in that room. By the end of it, Joonmyun was Yifan’s fiancé for four months, though they had gotten back together a year before that. Yifan never told Joonmyun about his illicit activities when they were together a few years ago. Supposedly, Yifan had changed. Joonmyun sparked that in him, made him want to be a better person and to stop all his activities for a chance to be with Joonmyun completely. It took him two years to cut ties with all his henchmen, and now he was ready for a wholesome life with the man he loved.

In an ideal world, in a perfect world, this would have been reality. Instead it’s nothing more than a cover for the anger that would flare up inside Joonmyun whenever he saw Yifan. It was nothing more than a shield for Yifan to keep himself alive. When the lights were on them and the show started, they would play their parts to the best of their ability.

 

 

 

Joonmyun had a safe house near Gangnam. It was a two-bedroom apartment, and it would be good enough for them to keep their distance within these walls. Since they had more free time as two self-employed citizens, Joonmyun established himself as a heavy reader, going from bookstore to bookstore almost every other day. He would meet with Jongdae occasionally in those bookstores and pass information that could help them out.

“Are you two speaking at all?” Jongdae said one day when they were both quietly reading at a corner in a used bookstore.

“Other than, ‘what’s for dinner,’ and, ‘I’m going to bed?’” Joonmyun chuckled. “We’re trying, Jongdae. That’s good enough.”

“You know,” Jongdae sat up, “after this entire experience, you’re probably never going to see him again. You should get closure while you can.”

“Why are you so concerned?”

Jongdae mock-gasped and widened his eyes. “Is that even a question? I’m your best friend! I always care.”

“Correction: Kyungsoo is my best friend,” Joonmyun said. He laughed as soon as he saw the disappointment on Jongdae’s face. “I’m kidding. Also how is Kyungsoo? I never got to apologize properly.”

“He just won a big case recently and we, uh.” Jongdae stopped.

“Spit it out; I won’t get hurt.”

Jongdae chuckled. “We just went out with the rest of the old group. He really didn’t tell you about it?”

“I didn’t expect him to. Tell him I’m sorry,” Joonmyun said.

Jongdae bit his lip. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Ah, shit. Never mind.” He looked away. The worst part about being in deep cover is not being able to speak to anyone he knew. If Kyungsoo knew the situation Joonmyun was in, he would laugh his ass off before smacking Joonmyun on the head. “What do you tell people when they look for me?”

“You’re on vacation, you’re out of the precinct, or you’ve been missing for a week and we’ve given up on looking for you,” Jongdae said, laughing at the terror on Joonmyun’s face. “Don’t worry; we’re reserving the last one for a special occasion.”

“Please don’t give my parents a heart attack.” With the look on Jongdae’s face, Joonmyun wouldn’t even be surprised if he received a call.

“We can’t keep meeting like this,” Jongdae said. It was the truth. If their intel was correct, Victoria had an eye on all of her partners and prospects at all times. Joonmyun would have to be careful if he needed to communicate with the rest of the team.

“I know.” Joonmyun smiled at him. They had been partners for years now, and they rose through the ranks together. If Joonmyun could only trust one person in his life, it would be Jongdae. “I’ll talk to you… when there’s something to talk about.”

“Hey,” Jongdae took his wrist when he stood up, “you’ve allowed yourself to hate for a long time. Give yourself a chance to heal.”

Joonmyun shook off his hand and exhaled. “I know.”

 

 

 

“I’m home,” Joonmyun called out as he toed off his shoes. They usually went straight to their rooms when they got home, but Jongdae’s words rang in Joonmyun’s ears. He needed to make something work.

Yifan was in the kitchen. He was surprised to hear Joonmyun’s greeting, but he welcomed him in. “Oh hey. Dinner’s ready.” He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of beer. When he was about to offer Joonmyun, he paused, shook his head, and returned the extra can on the shelf. “You don’t like beer.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that—”

“You’d rather not. I know,” Yifan said. Knowing things about each other, remembering the little details… they worked like intimacy exercises. Every time Yifan would avoid a pet peeve of Joonmyun’s or Joonmyun would remember Yifan’s favorite meals in a certain cuisine, it felt like the knife in their heart was being twisted again and again.

Except… sometimes it felt good. Sometimes Joonmyun felt comforted to know that someone understood that he lived life off his routines. Sometimes Joonmyun felt comforted to know that someone let him into their life just enough to memorize how they like their coffee on late nights.

It took trust to get where they were then: Joonmyun was in love and content while Yifan was… Joonmyun wouldn’t know.

It took breaking it to get where they were at the moment: Joonmyun ate in silence on the dining table while Yifan stared out the large window overlooking the busiest area of the district.

They didn’t speak after that. They went back into their own rooms and waited for time to reset before they went through their days the exact same way over and over again. Slowly, conversation creeped into their routine. They started talking about paperwork, then their noisy neighbors, then it developed to their clothing and other mundane things.

“Remember that ugly pajama set you owned? The one covered in three different patterns?” Joonmyun laughed loudly with his half-empty glass of wine held precariously in his fingers. “I told you that if I see you wear that one more time—”

“You’d break up with me, I remember,” Yifan said, laughing as well. He’s stopped drinking his beer for a while now, but he enjoyed watching Joonmyun loosen up with every glass of wine in his system. Joonmyun was still laughing to himself; Yifan wanted to keep it that way. “Remember that ugly onesie outfit you wore with Kyungsoo in high school? I wanted it framed in our bedroom—”

“And I wanted to beat your ass if I ever saw it there, yeah.” Joonmyun’s smile was lopsided, careless. He swirled his wine as he avoided Yifan’s eyes. “Was I no fun? To be with?”

Yifan raised an eyebrow. _An uninhibited Joonmyun is truly a sight to behold._ “Why are you asking?”

“I’m too uptight. I try too hard to please everyone,” Joonmyun said. His voice got lower and lower, as if he was ashamed of his own words. “You know that.”

“I do,” Yifan said. Joonmyun winced; he was hoping Yifan would comfort him or sugarcoat his words. “You try too hard, and that’s why people are drawn to you. And besides,” Yifan paused, “that wasn’t the reason why I left.”

Apparently, Joonmyun wasn’t the only one uninhibited by a little alcohol.

Yifan suddenly felt hot, hotter than before. Joonmyun’s stare turned cold, sobered up. Yifan struck a chord, and it caused something dark and haunting to echo in Joonmyun’s mind.

“So why did you leave?”

And now it was Yifan’s turn to stare emptily at the distance. Joonmyun put his glass down because he didn’t want to make a mess; the mess in his mind was terrible enough. Yifan started sentences, but they were senseless as soon as he tried to string something together. He was searching for a lie, but Joonmyun didn’t deserve that. Not after everything Yifan had already done.

“It wasn’t my choice,” Yifan said. “I was meant to find a way to take your money. I wasn’t supposed to propose. I wasn’t supposed to start planning a life. Lu Han told me to find the right time and leave as soon as I got it. If I said anything, if I even alluded to something that would have revealed us, it would ruin our reputation.”

“So it wasn’t me?” Joonmyun tilted his head back. “I knew you conned me and left for the money, but somehow I still found ways to blame it on me. It was a command, right? It wasn’t because you got bored and decided to take my money on your way out?”

“God, no. Joonmyun, don’t— don’t blame yourself. It was all just business,” Yifan said. The flat look on Joonmyun’s face didn’t reveal much.

“Thanks. That helped… a little.”

Joonmyun stood up shakily and started cleaning the living room. They moved two of the living room chairs beside the window, facing each other. It was easier to ease into living together if they actually tried to accommodate each other instead of drawing circles around themselves.

He collapsed on his bed afterwards. Joonmyun heard Yifan’s door close, and his mind had space to breathe. He didn’t need to blame himself. _It wasn’t his fault._

 

 

 

“Fix the tie,” Joonmyun said as he looked for his coat in his closet.

“How about I don’t wear the tie?” Yifan tugged it off in haste before Joonmyun could talk him out of it. Joonmyun glared at him as he put on his coat. Yifan shook his head and took the coat off. He pulled out Joonmyun’s tie, unbuttoned the top two, and messed his hair up. “This is a party, Joonmyun. Be cool.”

“You wouldn’t know what that is even if you tried,” he muttered as he looked at himself in the mirror. Yifan swatted his hand away when he tried fixing his hair again.

Yifan sat on his bed, fiddling with his phone. When Joonmyun wouldn’t stop messing with his clothes, Yifan tossed a pillow at him. “Be cool, Joonmyun. Are you _nervous?_ ”

“I _am,_ ” Joonmyun said, though he avoided Yifan’s gaze when he started laughing. “Don’t make fun of me! This is difficult.”

“I know,” Yifan said. “You’re a natural ass-kisser though, so it won’t be too uncomfortable.”

Joonmyun threw the pillow back at his face. “Shut up and get the car ready.”

Yifan was still laughing as he left their apartment. Ever since they got tipsy that other night, the tension between them eased up. They had more late night conversations and light-hearted banter, and Joonmyun felt comfortable enough to let his guard down occasionally. Kyungsoo would be worried. Jongdae would be proud.

The car ride to Victoria’s mansion was quiet but nerve-wracking. Joonmyun tried to recall all the things Minseok told him before he fully went undercover. _Don’t seem too eager to speak to her. Let her gain interest so that she approaches you first. Treat her like a friend the moment she looks comfortable enough._

When they arrived, Yifan was instantly ambushed by Amber. “Yifan!” She took one look at Joonmyun and smiled. “So you’re the fiancé.”

“Yeah, you must be Amber?” Joonmyun still felt uncomfortable, but the ring on his finger grounded him to the story. He fiddled with it as Amber and Yifan kept talking.

Yifan got them drinks and they stood by the balcony overlooking the city. “This place is really nice,” Yifan said. “Love the view.”

Joonmyun shrugged. “Impractical. Too far from the bulk of the city. It took us half an hour to get here.”

“Heavy traffic really pisses you off, does it?”

“Doesn’t everybody hate it?” a new voice said. She smiled at them before shaking their hands. “Victoria Song.”

“Kim Joonmyun,” he introduced himself and placed his drink on the stone ledge. “This is Wu Yifan, my partner.”

“I know you,” Victoria said. “I haven’t seen you out and about for a while.”

“Well,” Yifan glanced sideways at Joonmyun, “I just tried to keep a low profile.”

Victoria was tailed by two bodyguards in black and her personal entourage of other CEOs and hotshots in the electronics industry. There was one from the Kwon family, a few of her other Chinese friends, and another bodyguard probably in civilian clothing. _She’s insane with security,_ Joonmyun thought to himself.

“Really? Your name has been popping up recently. I’m interested in having a chat,” Victoria said. Her eyes were on Joonmyun, probably trying to figure out where she had seen him before. 

“Us too,” he replied. Someone caught his eye from the entrance to the terrace. “I think someone wants your attention.”

Victoria turned back and gave a stiff smile. “So many guests to attend to, I’m so sorry. I’ll…” She looked at her bodyguards and they nodded. “I’ll find a way to contact you. I heard you’ve been investing more and it would be great to have you as a part of the family.”

“Thanks,” Yifan said. They all walked away, though Joonmyun still had an eye on Victoria as she approached the newcomer. It was Choi Sooyoung, the heir to an innovative electronics company.

Except… Joonmyun remembered a report in the newspaper from two weeks ago talking about her father being caught in a near-fatal car accident. She must be the acting CEO, in that case. Yifan’s eyes told the same story; they nodded when they saw Victoria’s smile become gentler towards Sooyoung.

“Watch where they’re going,” Joonmyun said quietly. He took another drink from the walking waiters and waited for Yifan to say something. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t turn my head without making it obvious that I’m watching them,” Yifan muttered.

“Shit, uh,” Joonmyun shifted to the side, “keep looking at me. Do you see her?” 

“Yeah, she’s talking to a waiter. Is that— okay, there’s a gun strapped to his back. That’s a guard. And— shit, I can’t see,” he said. 

Joonmyun leaned against the stone railing of the terrace. “Come here,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“She’s starting to move. Sooyoung and her lackeys are all following her.”

Joonmyun started laughing softly and placed a hand on Yifan’s shoulder. “People are looking at us. I’m going to do something, but don’t make this weird. _Keep your eyes on her._ ”

Yifan gave him a look but nodded anyway. “Okay?”

Joonmyun rested his hip on the railing and reached up to kiss Yifan with a hand behind his neck. Yifan leaned forward and placed a hand on Joonmyun’s waist, but he pinched the hand and pulled away slightly. _“Eyes open!”_

“Geez, sorry. It was a reflex,” Yifan muttered before leaning down to kiss Joonmyun again. He struggled to focus on Victoria’s whereabouts, but she seemed to enter a small side house with her group.

From a distance, they looked like a couple that just had a quick moment of fun. The smaller man pulled away and beamed at his partner while he laughed at the spontaneity.

In truth, Joonmyun’s smile was tense and Yifan’s chuckle was out of sheer will. They stepped back and cleared their throats in discomfort.

“Where’d she go?” Joonmyun asked when they both downed their glasses at once.

“In there. It looks like a guest house or something.” Yifan paused. “Do you know where the bathroom is?”

Joonmyun narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t the time—” Realization dawned on him quickly. “I think it’s in there. You should, uh, check it out. I’ll… socialize or something.”

“Meet me at the canapés,” said Yifan before kissing Joonmyun’s temple absentmindedly. He froze when Joonmyun shot him an odd stare. “Sorry.”

“Reflex. I know.” Joonmyun waved him away and walked to the bar. If he wasn’t allowed to have fun, he would at least get tipsy enough to think he was having fun. He took a seat, ordered a light drink, and watched as Yifan slipped into the guest house.

Joonmyun was spacing out when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, saw a familiar face, and cursed under his breath.

“Oh come on,” Baekhyun said, “that’s not a polite greeting to your best friend.”

“Byun Baekhyun, you and I know each other well enough to know that you are not my best friend,” Joonmyun said, laughing when he remembered his terrible experiences with Baekhyun in business school. He hopped off his seat and gave his old friend a hug. “What are you doing here? I thought you were still based at Bucheon.”

“My father sent me here to ‘make friends,’” Baekhyun made quotation marks in the air, “but I know he just wanted to get rid of me.” He looked around briefly. “I thought you weren’t pursuing business anymore. You said you wanted to be a cop?”

Joonmyun chuckled, though his mask couldn’t prevent the nervous sweat from breaking at his neck. “I tried that out for a while, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as I hoped it would be.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “It didn’t feel like you were helping people anymore?”

“Sounds idealistic, but yeah. It didn’t sit right with me.” Joonmyun tilted his head to the side, expertly avoiding his gaze. “I invest my money, I spend it, and I live a good life.”

“That’s the spirit!” Baekhyun slung an arm over his shoulder and ordered a drink from the bartender. He raised his glass. “To living the good life!”

“Hear, hear,” Joonmyun said. He meant it, truly, but his enthusiasm was stifled when he saw Yifan being escorted out of the guest house with Victoria right behind him. They were speaking amicably, but Joonmyun noted how tense Yifan’s shoulders were. A guard pointed towards the main mansion and made directions with his hands.

Yifan looked for Joonmyun while he was walking. When their eyes met, Yifan tilted his head towards the mansion. Joonmyun rested his elbow on the bar and subtly raised three fingers to tell him to wait.

Baekhyun was still cracking jokes and telling stories beside him. “Hey,” Baekhyun got his attention, “you okay?”

“Sorry, I’m feeling a little lightheaded.”

Baekhyun snorted. “Oh please. Don’t lie; you’ve always been a lightweight.”

“So are you!” Joonmyun teased back. They laughed again, but Joonmyun swayed a bit as he took a step away from the bar. “I really don’t feel good though. I’ll catch up with you later?”

“I’m going to get you one day, Kim Joonmyun,” Baekhyun said. He squeezed his shoulder one last time before winking and walking away.

Joonmyun stuck to the crowd of people all drinking and mingling. He couldn’t find a glimpse of Victoria; she must have been inside the guest house again. Who knew what they were discussing in there?

 _Yifan,_ Joonmyun remembered. He kept his head down as he made his way to the guest bathroom in the mansion. Yifan pulled him in the room and locked the door.

“No cameras,” Yifan muttered. “I’m not sure about listening bugs.”

Joonmyun took a pen from his pocket and pressed the clip. “Hopefully that fried something.”

“A gift from Sehun?” Joonmyun nodded. “Good. Shit, Joonmyun. I don’t know what I heard.”

Joonmyun sat on the plush chair in one corner of the giant bathroom. “Were they talking about the Choi Company?”

“I think. Sooyoung was crying, _begging_ Victoria to help her. Victoria spoke… I don’t know how to describe it— softly? Like she was trying to comfort Sooyoung? She was in tears, rambling, and then Victoria offered to protect her family if she agrees to partner with Song Incorporated.”

“Wait.” Joonmyun stood up and started pacing. “She’s offering protection? So Sooyoung doesn’t know that she’s the one that caused that accident?”

“But what if it really isn’t her, Joonmyun? What if she’s connected to all these incidents because she’s been protecting them all along?” Yifan argued.

Joonmyun shook his head. “Their company makes _phones;_ they don’t provide security. They have to be tied to the accidents somehow.”

“But there’s a chance that Victoria might be innocent?”

“I don’t buy it. Companies wouldn’t go straight to her just to ask for help. It’s not…” He groaned. “Nothing’s right about this.”

They were disrupted by a knock on the door. Yifan panicked and silently screamed at Joonmyun. _“What do we do?”_

Joonmyun took a deep breath. He ruffled Yifan’s hair, half-unbuttoned his shirt, pulled out a side of his shirt from his pants, and swiped water on Yifan’s lips. Yifan looked at himself in the mirror. “I’m a mess.”

“That’s the point,” Joonmyun said as he did the same things to himself. “Do you go out first or do I?”

“I’ll go. Hide in the cubicle,” said Yifan as he unlocked the door and gave the guards a sheepish smile. “Sorry.” He looked back at Joonmyun and made sure he was hidden before he left the room.

Joonmyun leaned against the cubicle wall, suddenly exhausted. They had only been to the party for a few hours, walking around and mingling with anyone who caught their eye. Victoria added the element of suspense. She was nothing like what Joonmyun expected, and the stories surrounding her added to the intel they collected weren’t adding up to the person Joonmyun saw.

He met with Yifan by the canapés. It was starting to get late, and Victoria stood on a platform holding a mic to deliver a speech.

“First of all, thank you to everyone who came tonight! I hope you enjoyed the food, the drinks, and the company,” she said sweetly. Everyone clapped and cheered for her impeccable hosting. “This wasn’t meant to be a professional occasion, but the Choi Corporation has just agreed to make their innovations exclusive to Song Devices. Let’s give them a round of applause and welcome them to the family.”

Yifan and Joonmyun looked at each other while clapping. They saw Sooyoung standing by the side of the platform, emotionless and distant. She didn’t seem too happy about the partnership.

“Enjoy yourselves, everyone. Food and drinks never end, and so does the night!”

Joonmyun tugged on Yifan’s sleeves. “I don’t think we have any more to gain here.”

“We should talk to Sooyoung, get her side of the story,” Yifan said. He was about to walk towards her, but Joonmyun stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Why not?”

“We’ve been seen too much tonight,” he whispered. Joonmyun pressed his cheek against Yifan’s arm. “We have to go.”

As they walked out of the terrace, Joonmyun looked back once. He briefly saw Victoria and Baekhyun laughing together, and she smiled at him as he walked away. Joonmyun got the chills.

Yifan collapsed on their couch the moment they got home. Joonmyun sat on the chair by the window, suddenly wanting a glass of wine to drown his stress. Yifan tossed a throw pillow at him when he saw Joonmyun making his way to their wine rack.

“No more drinking,” he said.

“Fine,” Joonmyun muttered before he occupied their other couch. A thought crossed his mind. “Yifan.”

“Yeah?”

“Can we agree that things that happen on a mission are… uh,” Joonmyun paused, “they mean nothing?”

“Good,” Yifan said. “Things that happen on a mission— it’s just work.”

“Exactly. Let’s not make things weird.” Joonmyun turned his head and nodded at Yifan. They looked at each other. It seemed stranger to pretend that Joonmyun’s hand didn’t tighten on Yifan’s neck in that kiss or that Yifan turned his body closer to Joonmyun’s just to see Victoria better. In his mind, Joonmyun couldn’t deny that his stomach stirred when he felt Yifan’s lips and he released a shaky breath because of the familiar tingling that consumed his body while he was in Yifan’s arms. It was… instinct. A reflex. Muscle memory. The familiarity of their intimacy. Anger couldn’t change what Joonmyun’s body craved.

No, no, he didn’t _crave_ it, per se. Joonmyun just… missed it. He missed intimacy. He spent the past two years in a furious manhunt, and his mind shut down all its defenses at the slightest taste of it.

Joonmyun dreamed that night. He dreamed of that one day when Yifan woke up earlier than he did and spent the early morning on the balcony of their shared apartment. It was almost winter; Yifan was still in his sleepwear and he hated being cold. Joonmyun brought one of his giant coats and draped it over his shoulders before he stood beside Yifan. Joonmyun was surprised when Yifan stood behind him, pulled him close, and covered him with his warmth.

They stayed there for a while, talking about mundane things like grocery shopping and the construction projects in the city. Yifan kissed the top of his head before dragging him back inside because he felt how cold Joonmyun’s hands were. Then they spent the rest of the morning in bed, regaining warmth and spreading it on the sheets. Yifan looked at him, smiled softly, and closed his eyes to fall asleep again.

Joonmyun dreamed of it in silent slow-motion. He felt every touch and saw every twitch of Yifan’s lips. And when he woke up in the middle of the night, it felt too real. _I wish it were real._

 

 

 

Yifan was awake before he was. “Morning,” he said. He had a cup of coffee, but the steam was starting to run out. His eyes were completely blank.

“Are you alright?” Joonmyun asked as he was pouring a cup for himself. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah.” Yifan rubbed his temples. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

Joonmyun’s heart skipped a beat. His hand gripped the handle of his mug. “You’re not telling me—”

“Victoria could be innocent. The person we saw doesn’t match up with your description of her,” Yifan said. Joonmyun deflated in relief. “What I heard made it even more confusing.”

“I’m reporting to Jongdae today. We’ll discuss it,” Joonmyun said. Yifan nodded and leaned his forehead against their dining table. He was still asleep by the time Joonmyun left the apartment.

Jongdae was in their usual bookshop when Joonmyun arrived. He greeted the elderly shopkeeper and went around the tall shelves before settling at the corner table where Jongdae was. Jongdae nodded at him before pulling back a stack of boxes that led to a small room behind the shelves. Joonmyun followed him and covered their entrance.

“The old man let you use his stockroom?” Joonmyun asked. The furniture was a little dusty, but Jongdae did his best with the small space. He brought out his laptop and gave it to Joonmyun. “Thanks.”

“Tell me about what happened. Did you get a lot of information?” Jongdae said. He played with Joonmyun’s phone on the table while he was typing out his report. Joonmyun received a text message, and Jongdae replied to it before Joonmyun could get his phone back.

Joonmyun glared at Jongdae. “What did you say?”

“Nothing. Just ‘fuck off,’ that’s it,” Jongdae said nonchalantly. Joonmyun’s blank stare made him freeze.

“Who texted me?”

“It was just Yifan,” Jongdae said.

Joonmyun’s brows furrowed. “What did he say?”

Jongdae opened the phone and looked for his messages. “ _‘We need to buy cheese’_? What kind of message is that?”

“It’s a code.” Joonmyun cursed under his breath and snatched back his phone. “What do I say? What do I— ah. _‘Sorry, what’s cooking?_ ’”

“What does your code even mean?” Jongdae asked.

“‘We need to buy cheese’ means something important or strange is happening. ‘What’s cooking’ means they have our attention. We use that code to keep prying eyes like _you_ from figuring out what we’re doing.” Jongdae shrugged him off. Joonmyun’s eyes widened when he saw Yifan’s message. He looked up at Jongdae in panic. “Victoria picked him up at the apartment. They’re driving to who knows where right now.”

Joonmyun finished his report as succinctly as possible. “I have to go. There could be people at our apartment.”

“Are you hiding any evidence or something?” Jongdae started packing up as well.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just— we sleep in two different bedrooms and there are no pictures of us on the wall. It just doesn’t look like the apartment of a happily engaged couple,” Joonmyun said. He typed something quickly on his phone. “I need to go home.”

“When did it start being home?” Jongdae said. Joonmyun paused for a second and shook his head. He shrugged off the strange feeling in his stomach.

“I don’t know,” Joonmyun said earnestly. Jongdae hugged him before helping him move the boxes aside. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Be careful out there.”

Joonmyun arrived home, but Yifan didn’t come until early in the evening. Joonmyun was tense and jumpy, and he heaved a sigh of relief as soon as he saw that Yifan was fine. “I was worried,” he admitted as he took a seat on their window chairs.

“She didn’t do anything, Joonmyun. We talked about ourselves and our business. That’s it,” Yifan said. He got a bottle of wine and two glasses for the two of them. “Too early to drink?”

“Give it to me,” Joonmyun muttered. “What else? That can’t possibly be the only things you two discussed.”

“Joonmyun,” Yifan sat across him, “I don’t think Victoria’s our perp.”

Joonmyun sipped from his glass. “No. We’ve worked too hard in building this case—”

“Most of it is speculation. It’s circumstantial. You have nothing to really prove she was involved in those incidents,” Yifan said.

“That’s our job: to _find_ the proof,” said Joonmyun. “We just… need to get closer. This is a good thing. We need to be part of her inner circle.”

Yifan shook his head. “This is pointless. There must be other leads we can pursue.”

“Victoria is the only connection between all of those incidents. The _only_ person they all come in contact with after the accidents. If she’s not the one causing them, there has to be a reason why people are coming to her for help.”

Joonmyun was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. He rested his head on the glass. Yifan looked around. “Did anyone go here?”

“Unless they swept the place before I got here, no one came,” Joonmyun said. He finished his glass of wine before he had to say what came next. “This separate bedroom thing isn’t working.”

“What?” Yifan raised his eyebrow.

“If someone goes here—and I’m almost _sure_ it’s going to happen—we can’t get caught sleeping in separate rooms. We can’t—” Joonmyun was cut off by his own frustration. “We can’t afford to slip up like this. We’re a _team._ ”

Yifan sighed. “It’s work.”

Joonmyun nodded. “Just work.”

That was Joonmyun’s mantra as he saw Yifan standing by the doorway, hesitant to take a step further. They could have conversations. They could make jokes and laugh. They fell into routines that were instinctual to them already. There were walls that were broken down, but there were some hurdles that they still couldn’t pass.

Yifan could hardly look Joonmyun in the eye. Joonmyun couldn’t imagine waking up beside him every morning as they did before when their relationship was real and Joonmyun wasn’t as stiff as a board when he felt Yifan beside him.

“Good night,” Yifan said.

“Good night,” he replied, though Joonmyun’s mind was hyperaware of his every movement. Yifan’s slightest touch burned him, and Joonmyun felt like he was on fire from the inside.

 

 

 

When Byun Baekhyun said he would get Joonmyun one day, he wasn’t kidding.

Joonmyun was buying dish soap in their local convenience store before heading back home. It became routine for him and Yifan to help each other out with groceries as often as they can. He was peacefully in line for the cashier when a loud yell got his attention.

“Kim Joonmyun!” Baekhyun called from behind him. Joonmyun gave him a stiff smile as Baekhyun placed his arm over Joonmyun’s shoulders. “Drop everything; you’re going out with me.”

“Uh,” Joonmyun looked down at his basket, “I’m shopping?”

Baekhyun tossed his basket aside and shrugged. He ran his fingers through his already messy hair and grinned at Joonmyun. “Come on,” he pleaded. “Let your fiancé do the work.” He grabbed Joonmyun’s hand and led him out to his car parked at a building nearby.

“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun said sternly. His hand halted at the handle.

Baekhyun leaned against his car and replied with an incredulous stare. Joonmyun rolled as his eyes as he opened the door. “Exactly where are going?” Joonmyun asked when he buckled up.

Baekhyun grinned at him before starting the car. “Just a party.”

“Oh god,” Joonmyun groaned. “I’m going to kill you one day.”

“Not tonight, buddy.”

Unsurprisingly, Baekhyun pulled up at a club. He smiled at the bouncer, and that’s all it took for him to let them in. Baekhyun dragged him to a table with several people Joonmyun could barely recognize in the darkness of the place, but he was surprised to see Victoria there with them.

“Nice seeing you here,” Joonmyun said while Baekhyun stuffed him into the booth beside Victoria. She laughed and poured him a glass of something. “Thanks.” Joonmyun took a hesitant sip, but Victoria was the one to urge him to down it in one go. It burned down his throat and gave him a gentle flush.

“How do you know Baekhyun?” Victoria asked. They glanced at him; he was probably past being tipsy as he grinded his way to the center of the crowd.

“I wish I didn’t,” Joonmyun yelled. They laughed together, and a thought crossed Joonmyun’s mind. He peeled himself off the booth and excused himself to go to the bathroom.

As soon as he had some peace and quiet, Joonmyun pulled out his phone to call Yifan. “Hello?”

_“Joonmyun! Where the hell are you? You said you would be home half an hour ago.”_

His world spun at the volume of Yifan’s voice. _Damn those drinks are strong._ “Sorry. Baekhyun dragged me into a club.” Joonmyun started kicking down the cubicle doors to make sure no one was listening. “I’m with Victoria right now. I can’t talk much throughout the night but I’ll try to come home as soon as I can.”

 _“Okay. Take care.”_ Yifan hung up.

Joonmyun splashed his face with water. “Don’t get drunk, don’t get drunk, don’t get drunk—”

He stopped repeating this to himself until someone went inside the bathroom. Joonmyun grimaced when he saw the girl giggling behind him, and he was glad they went into a cubicle before Joonmyun saw anything.

Joonmyun went back to the table. Apparently Baekhyun had ordered another set of drinks for the group of six. Now that the music had changed and the lights were a little brighter, Joonmyun could recognize Baekhyun; Victoria; Park Chanyeol, a musician that Baekhyun knew somehow; and two girls that Joonmyun didn’t know, though they looked like they were very familiar with each other as they stared each other down with hands inside each other’s coats.

Honestly, Joonmyun could barely remember the actual events of the night. He remembered Baekhyun drinking, Baekhyun making him drink even though he would just toss it to the side when no one was looking, one of the girls stealing the show by collapsing on the dance floor, and around three guys and girls separately trying to hit on Joonmyun throughout the night.

But there was a moment that was vivid to him. It was probably past midnight, and the party was getting wilder and wilder. Chanyeol put down his empty shot glass and cheered for himself. “Victoria!” he yelled. “I dare you to buy drinks for the entire club!”

She stood up, pulled out her credit card, and yelled, “All your drinks for the next hour are on me!”

The crowd cheered, as expected, but Joonmyun could only focus on Victoria and her smug expression as everyone yelled their gratitude to her. “You realize you’re going to go broke after tonight, right?” Chanyeol said, laughing.

“Me?” Victoria asked incredulously. “I’m _never_ going to be broke, ever,” she slurred. She clutched Joonmyun’s arm and laughed hysterically. “Can you believe this guy? _Look at me._ Everyone wants to be me. Everyone wants a piece of me and my money.” She shrugged. “Can’t blame them. I mean…” Her voice dropped just for Joonmyun to hear. “I make people shit their pants with the sound of my voice. And then they’re all up my ass next time I see them.”

Victoria was giggling endlessly for the rest of the night. Joonmyun couldn’t handle the alcohol and the atmosphere after a while and bid Baekhyun goodbye. Baekhyun wouldn’t let him go without a drunken kiss on the cheek.

It was two in the morning when he stumbled into a cab and fell asleep on the way home. When he managed to make it to his apartment, he was surprised to see Yifan pacing by the window. Joonmyun caught the relief on Yifan’s face as he stepped into the light.

“Hey. You didn’t tell me where you were exactly; I got worried,” Yifan said. He got a glass of water for Joonmyun. “Drink. You’re going to regret this tomorrow.”

Joonmyun waved him away. “I’m not drunk.”

“That’s something a drunk person says,” Yifan teased. Joonmyun sat on their couch and eagerly drank the entire glass in a go. “Whoa, slow down.”

“You won’t believe me,” Joonmyun hiccupped, “but Victoria knows what she’s doing. She knows she’s powerful and people are terrified of her. And she _loves_ it, Yifan. That’s not— it’s not the face of an innocent person.”

Yifan refilled his glass. “You should rest—”

“No, no, no. I might forget it if I don’t say it now.” Joonmyun sat up and held Yifan’s forearm. “She talked about Sooyoung like they were great friends. But as she got drunker and drunker, she kept on talking about all the people that have begged her to let them be part of her legacy. They would throw themselves and their money at her just to have Song Incorporated tacked onto their name.

“She wouldn’t say anything more, but Yifan, if you saw her face, you would know it as well. The power gives her life. She lives off their fear of her.”

Yifan nodded and took the glass from him. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

“Please believe me,” Joonmyun said. “I need us to be on the same page. We’re…” Joonmyun sighed. “We’re a team.”

Yifan helped him dress himself and closed the blinds tightly. “I believe you, Joonmyun.”

Joonmyun settled into bed and waited for Yifan to lie down beside him. Yifan waited for him doze off first, and Joonmyun smiled at his tired eyes before he began to rest his.

 

 

 

The clubbing incident was only the beginning of Joonmyun and Yifan’s growing relationship with Victoria. Soon enough, they would go out weekly and talk about movie stars and gossip about CEOs and their filthy affairs. She would invite them to some of her events, and they would graciously accept just to observe her interact with others.

They spent most of these afternoons and evenings observing the other guests as well. There would be some that were hesitant to approach Victoria, but in another event, they would act like they had been friends for ages. Sooyoung was one of those people; she often stood behind Victoria and made speeches explaining their partnership with Song Incorporated.

“What’s your opinion on the Kwon family?” Victoria asked one day. Yifan and Joonmyun were taken by surprise. “I’ve been in talks with them but I don’t know if they’re willing to be our gateway in expanding our resources in Japan.”

Yifan looked at Joonmyun before saying anything. “Well, they had been to each of your events in the past two weeks with at least three representatives. I’d say they’re seriously considering it.”

“But I always notice one person that’s constantly there. Kwon Jiyong, a high-ranking member of their board. The heir?” Joonmyun asked.

“Yes, he’s the one I’ve been negotiating with the most,” said Victoria.

“He’s not impressed,” Joonmyun said flatly. “He would look at your presentations and your graphs on how your company grew, and I don’t think he sees the potential in expanding your business to a country where his products are doing very well.”

Victoria paused to think. “So he won’t partner with us because we’re competition?”

Yifan nodded. “Seems like it.”

Victoria seemed pensive. When she finally smiled, she looked up at the two of them and thanked them. “Thank you for your opinion. You’re good advisers, good friends.” She whispered something to her assistant. “How about tomorrow I take you to a tour around my headquarters?”

“Well,” Yifan bit his lip, “I’d love to go, but I have to contact the mechanic for our car. Joonmyun can go.” Joonmyun nodded.

“That’s great! I’ll see you tomorrow,” Victoria said. She was still beaming at them all throughout lunch. It unsettled Joonmyun. She frequently whispered to her assistant, and each time, the small woman would use her phone to make a call in private. Joonmyun didn’t want to think of the repercussions to giving advice about people Victoria could potentially—

_Oh no._

Joonmyun was stricken with fear when the assistant came back and nodded at Victoria once. Her boss went back to peacefully eating lunch, and Joonmyun knew something terrible was about to take place.

That night, Kwon Jiyong was sent to the hospital when a toxic substance made its way to his food from a restaurant. Though no other customers were harmed, they found the substance leaking from a cupboard above the stoves. It was a specialized dish that was only served to Jiyong.

Joonmyun threw up after reading it online. Yifan couldn’t believe his eyes and he recalled the innocuous conversation they had earlier.

“Do you believe me now?” Joonmyun asked while they were in bed, late at night being unable to sleep.

“I do. I believe you.” Yifan stared at the news article on his phone. “I can’t believe— I _defended_ her, Joonmyun. I almost thought she was incapable of hurting anyone.”

Yifan stood up and started pacing. “I can’t sleep like this.” He went to his drawer and pulled out a small flash drive. He took his laptop and started configuring something on it.

“What are you doing?” Joonmyun asked sleepily. “Is that—”

“A bug.” Yifan unplugged it from his laptop and gave it to Joonmyun. “When you’re in her office, stick this behind the CPU. It doesn’t even have to be her computer; as long as it’s connected to their servers. I can figure out a way to her personal files from there.”

Joonmyun nodded and put the drive in his wallet. “How long will you be able to access her files?”

“Probably half an hour or less; it all depends on their security. The virus I put there stays silent until I activate it with a transmitted code. After that, most of their firewalls will be shut down, and I’ll be able to hack into their system in a short period of time. I’ll do it when we’re both here; you can’t miss this.”

Joonmyun was sweating as soon as he made it to the Song Incorporated headquarters. The receptionist saw him, smiled, and let him in instantly without the slightest hold-up. Victoria was in the pantry with their marketing team, having a light conversation with her employees. She smiled as soon as she saw Joonmyun through the glass walls.

“Everyone, welcome Kim Joonmyun, a good friend of mine,” she said to her team. Joonmyun bowed and stood by the entrance uncomfortably. Victoria walked to him. “Let’s take a tour.”

She walked him around the different floors holding different departments. Her advertising department was busy as ever, and there were several different areas for teams that were all competing to give a winning pitch for their new line of phones.

“It’s been hectic since the annual shareholders’ meeting is in less than a month. We need to make a good impression.” Victoria sighed.

“It’s all about trust,” Joonmyun said. “As long as your investors know that their money is being put to good use, they’ll stay.”

“They better,” Victoria joked. They finally reached her office. Joonmyun marveled at the huge space she had to herself. “Impressed?”

“A little jealous. I work from my dining room,” Joonmyun said. They laughed and talked a bit more, but they were disrupted by one of Victoria’s assistants calling her out of the room.

“Go look through my bookshelf and antiques if you’d like anything,” Victoria said as she excused herself out of the room.

Joonmyun went around, though he wasn’t browsing casually. He was searching for cameras anywhere. He pulled out his phone and texted Yifan, “Eyes on me?”

 _“All clear,”_ Yifan replied. Sehun sent them his special computer that he would use when they needed to hack into any surveillance cameras. Usually Minseok would hate having to do it, but he understood the necessity sometimes. Most of the time, he liked to stick to the rules, and it’s for good reason. His boss wasn’t exactly pleased to know that they had to hack into surveillance cameras to assist in an operation. It’s a good thing he turned a blind eye and let them all go with a stern warning, one that they continued to disobey.

Joonmyun put on gloves, went to Victoria’s computer, and observed the machinery. It was a good thing that her CPU was hidden beneath her huge desk and it wouldn’t be obvious if Joonmyun inserted the flash drive. He looked up at the door briefly before plugging it and checking if anything alarming activated.

“All clear,” he texted to Yifan. Joonmyun went back to the bookshelves and found a book he had been looking for in his used bookstores for months.

 _Months…_ huh. It had been almost half a year since the deep cover operation began. He and Yifan had grown considerably comfortable, and they made more progress than they thought they would in this span of time.

Joonmyun snapped back to himself when the door opened and he still had a hand on the old book. He placed it back on the shelf at smiled at Victoria’s apologetic bows. “I’m sorry I took so much time,” she said. “I just had to iron some details out with the shareholders’ meeting.”

“It’s alright. I love your collection,” Joonmyun said.

“Thank you.” Victoria started walking around, though her shoulders were abnormally tense.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh.” She shook it off. “Sorry. Everything’s been getting to me. The shareholders’ meeting, the Kwon family—”

“What’s with the Kwon family?” Joonmyun swallowed. He almost didn’t want to hear her answer.

“They suddenly decided to partner with us in expanding more in Japan. It’s great news, but the tragedy with their son is still so fresh,” Victoria said. Joonmyun noted that her words were gracious but her tone held no remorse.

“I thought they weren’t interested,” Joonmyun said cautiously.

She shrugged. “I guess they realized it was the best thing to do. I can’t explain how other people think.” Victoria’s mood suddenly turned around. “You know I really appreciate your presence recently. Will you be able to make it to our conference in a few weeks? I’ll reserve seats for you and Yifan.”

Joonmyun smiled and nodded. “Of course, Victoria. It’s a big day for you.”

“Two years since I’ve been declared the CEO.” She sighed. “It is a very big day.”

Joonmyun awkwardly walked towards the door. “It was really great to be here. Your space is _phenomenal._ But sadly, I need to go.”

“Of course. Thank you for coming. Someone will guide you out,” Victoria said. She gave him a tight hug before calling a guard to lead him. “Goodbye!”

Joonmyun rushed back home, anticipating whatever they would find in Victoria’s files. Again, she unsettled him with her remarks about Jiyong. It was as if she was unhappy that they agreed to partner with her. It could be due to the fact that it happened too close to the accident to their son. It would be too suspicious, though it wasn’t as if Victoria was a paragon of innocence at this point. Joonmyun still felt like throwing up.

Yifan was waiting on their dining table when he got home. Joonmyun took off his coat and pulled up a seat. “Let’s go.”

“Are you sure no one saw you?” asked Yifan.

“You said there were no cameras on me. I fried any listening devices and used gloves on the flash drive. I’m clear,” Joonmyun said. “Hit it.”

Yifan started running his code. Joonmyun was tapping his feet in impatience as it slowly looked for chinks in the servers’ armor. Yifan altered something with his algorithm and cheered when he got access to the files and folders in Victoria’s computer. “We’re in. We’re in, Joonmyun!”

“Alright, go through her correspondence and transaction records,” Joonmyun said. His eyes looked for irregularities in her spending. Yifan stopped scrolling when he saw something unusual. “What is it?”

“Death threats.” He opened a thread and saw the exchange of threats between both addresses. “A lot of them came from people she’s partnered with now. Kwon Jiyong is here,” Yifan said. “‘Your dirty tactics don’t scare us. If you think you can outplay us, you’re mistaken. Leave us alone and watch your back.’ That’s terrifying.”

“You said a lot of these came from the people she’s affiliated with now. The ones specifically targeted are linked somehow to these anonymous emails. She identified and labelled each one herself because she knows who’s trying to take her life,” Joonmyun noted.

“So has she been trying to kill people to seal deals or to protect herself?” Yifan looked up at Joonmyun. “I think I saw something about payment in one of these a while ago…”

Before they could look at any more messages, their connection was suddenly cut off. “Shit!” Yifan started typing furiously, but Joonmyun stopped him.

“Let it go. We’ll have another chance to get into her system,” Joonmyun said. “We’re specially invited to their meeting in a few weeks. Until then, Victoria probably can’t be bothered.”

“We’ll need to prepare for that. If this has to end, it’s going to end there,” Yifan said.

“Exactly.” Joonmyun nodded at him. “Let’s end this.”

 

 

 

It had been a while since Joonmyun had a sit down with Jongdae or any member of the force, really. He was surprised to see Minseok with Jongdae in their small meeting place behind the bookshelves. “Captain!” he said. “I’m glad to see you.”

“You look well-rested,” Minseok teased. “Did you gain weight?”

“I’m not too busy with chasing people down, so I’ve gotten a little soft at the stomach,” Joonmyun said, and Minseok laughed at him. “So why’d you come with Jongdae today?”

“We heard there was a big development recently,” said Jongdae. “Tell us about it.”

“Where’d you hear that? I haven’t contacted you since last week,” Joonmyun said.

“We’re in contact with Yifan as well, using old communication channels that Sehun opened up for us,” Minseok explained. “Come on. Jongdae, start typing.”

“The things we know now don’t add up to what we knew before. Back then, we were wondering why the families of the victims would approach Song to ask for help. That meant most of them didn’t know she was the one that ordered those attacks. Now we have evidence that those victims were the ones sending her threats. The attacks on them could either be the manipulation that we expected from her or just self-defense in anticipation of their threats.”

“But wait. Why would they want to attack Song in the first place?” Minseok asked, leaning forward to focus.

“Some companies, like the Kwons’, see her as competition. That’s understandable. The other smaller companies that don’t directly butt heads with her target market don’t apply to that.” Joonmyun paused. “If I remember correctly, the Choi family didn’t send her any threats.”

“They don’t directly manufacture mobile devices, so that must be a case of manipulation,” Jongdae said. “What about the Kwon family again?”

“It’s my fault. I’m the one who told her that Jiyong wasn’t impressed and that was probably the major reason why they wouldn’t sign with Song Inc. That was what led to the attack,” said Joonmyun.

“But there was still a death threat from Jiyong to Victoria which is something to take into account,” Minseok added. “This doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Agreed,” Jongdae said. “This report is looking messier and messier every time we add something to it.”

“Good thing the paperwork isn’t my responsibility,” Joonmyun muttered, and Jongdae threw an old magazine at him. “Hey, I still got the short end of the stick; I’m living with Yifan!”

Minseok chuckled. “How are you, by the way? Have you found anything we can use against him?”

Joonmyun shook his head. “I haven’t been looking. This case took over both our lives.”

“But he took over yours,” Minseok said. “Don’t forget that.”

“I never do.” Joonmyun smiled and took his leave.

Joonmyun wasn’t fazed by Minseok’s concern. He was more concerned with his response to it. When did he stop seeing Yifan as the enemy? When was the last time they froze at the sight of each other? When did he start making two cups of coffee in the morning by instinct? He smiled more and laughed more in the past five months than in the two years he spent searching for Yifan.

“I’m home,” Joonmyun called out to an empty apartment. “Huh. He didn’t say he was going somewhere.”

Joonmyun texted him as he started cooking dinner for one. He also didn’t know when eating together became relaxing, when falling into the patterns of regular, unbroken people didn’t feel forced at all. Yifan replied, said he was out with friends, and he was going to come home late. Joonmyun let it go.

“At least he gets to go out,” Joonmyun muttered. Being seen with his actual friends could cause his cover to be broken. Most of his friends were cops or lawyers or random people that knew he would never settle down just to watch his money grow. Joonmyun was a fighter; most of them appreciated that about him.

 _Especially Kyungsoo,_ Joonmyun thought to himself. Kyungsoo was strong but quiet, and Joonmyun was strong and brave enough to let it be known. When he crumbled, the first persons he called were Jongdae and Kyungsoo. It almost made him want to break his cover just to see Kyungsoo for a while.

The waiting was worse than the actual conversation. _“Hello?”_ Kyungsoo answered.

“Hey. It’s Joonmyun,” he said.

 _“Oh thank god. I thought you were dead! Jongdae was joking about it.”_ He laughed. _“It’s been months. Can we talk?”_

“How about you come over? I’m making food,” Joonmyun said.

Kyungsoo paused. _“How about you stop making food and I’ll go there to make sure you don’t poison us?”_

“Hey! My food is edible!” Joonmyun laughed. “I’ll text you my address.”

 _“I’ll see you.”_ Kyungsoo hung up first. He arrived in half an hour, pissed off at his clients and absolutely starving. He hung his coat and collapsed on the couch before Joonmyun could even get a word out.

“Uh, hi? Nice seeing you again?” Joonmyun said hesitantly. Kyungsoo was one of his closest friends, yes, but it had been a while since they even said a single word to each other. He groaned, a throw pillow muffling his voice, and stood up.

“Get the wine. I’ll start cooking,” Kyungsoo ordered. He looked through Joonmyun’s cupboards and paused when he saw something strange. “I thought you hated microwave popcorn?”

Joonmyun popped open a bottle and poured it into two glasses for them. “It’s not mine. It’s—”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo sighed in realization, “so that’s what happened to you for the past few months.” He swept their apartment. “Two bedrooms. You sleep apart?”

“Together,” Joonmyun said, though he didn’t know why he was so ashamed of it when he was in front of Kyungsoo. “We used to, but we were worried that if someone broke in, they would figure out that we aren’t really a happy engaged couple.”

Kyungsoo started boiling water before he looked around further. He picked up a picture frame. “I thought you said you didn’t have any pictures of him.”

“I didn’t. That was his picture,” Joonmyun said quietly. He took a sip of wine and walked up to Kyungsoo. “He said that was the night he proposed. You can, uh, you can see how red my eyes were.”

“And this one?” Kyungsoo picked up a frame with the two of them on the beach with the sun rising behind them. It was winter, but Joonmyun was in his thermal coat while Yifan was soaked to the bone.

Joonmyun laughed. “We asked a random tourist to take that one for us. Remember that time I went on vacation all of a sudden? I didn’t know he was taking me to the sea. We both got up early, and I dared him to go into the sea for me.”

“And he really did it?” Kyungsoo asked in disbelief. “What an idiot.”

“I know,” Joonmyun said, and he couldn’t put down the frame. “I hear the water boiling,” Joonmyun said to Kyungsoo, though his eyes were still on the picture in his hands.

“Isn’t it weird?” Kyungsoo said while cooking pasta shells. “You’re with him again. He’s in your personal space everyday. It’s almost like you’re back together.”

“Except we’re not. And we never will be.” Joonmyun was sure of that. He was sure of himself; there was no way he would crawl back to Yifan now. Perhaps the only thing he could say is that he’s forgiven Yifan. He can go through their memories with nostalgia, not regret. He didn’t regret his decisions anymore. He didn’t regret what he went through, but he wondered who he would be now if what they had was real.

Joonmyun shook off his thoughts and went to Kyungsoo in the kitchen. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Just winning cases, getting rich. Nothing out of the usual.” Kyungsoo grinned. “Really. I think your six months have been more exciting than mine.”

“Really? What happened to that date you were supposed to go to when I called you?” Kyungsoo bit his lip and looked away. _Bingo._

“That wasn’t a date—” Joonmyun cocked his eyebrow. “It wasn’t. When we tried again, _that_ was a date.”

“You never said you were back in the market. If you did, I would have given it a try,” Joonmyun teased as Kyungsoo blushed and sprayed water on him. Joonmyun expertly dodged every droplet. “Did it work out?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “He said he was too busy for me. It wasn’t as if I had any time for him. We disagreed a lot too, but that was just how we were. I’m a lawyer; he’s a—“ He hesitated. “Well, we wouldn’t get along if we ever met in court.” Kyungsoo smirked. “Then again, you were engaged to a con man.”

Joonmyun ignored his last comment. “How long ago was this?” he asked. Kyungsoo looked up and started counting in his mind.

“A month ago.” He laughed at Joonmyun’s surprise. “It’s alright. It wasn’t going to be good for us anyway.”

Joonmyun helped Kyungsoo peel the vegetables to find something to occupy his hands. While Kyungsoo was busy with the pasta, he took the opportunity to ask one last question. “Who was it?”

Kyungsoo stiffened. “Can’t say. We agreed to pretend like it never happened.”

“Huh. Alright, I get that,” Joonmyun said. They spent most of their time quietly preparing. Kyungsoo made no mention of Yifan and their strange situation, and Joonmyun didn’t poke and prod at the mystery man in Kyungsoo’s life.

“I’m starving,” Kyungsoo said as he laid out their only meal for the night. “It’ll do.”

Joonmyun and Kyungsoo shared stories, laughed, ate, and drank for hours. Kyungsoo was in the middle of another stupid client’s case when Joonmyun’s mind completely blanked out. “You okay?” Kyungsoo asked.

Joonmyun shrugged it off. “I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just… it’s been a while since I had a normal conversation with someone not related to the case. Hell, you are the only person I’ve talked to without an ulterior motive.”

“Does it get lonely?” Kyungsoo asked. He poured Joonmyun another glass of wine, but Joonmyun refused. His sudden pensiveness was a clear sign that he had enough for the night.

“It does, but not in the way that I expected it to be. All of you: Jongdae, Minseok, and Sehun. You’re my support. You’ve all been my friends when I needed it the most. Now the only person I can talk to is Yifan, and I can’t even do that freely,” Joonmyun said.

“Are you scared of him?”

Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at the question. “That’s ridiculous; why would I be scared of him?”

Kyungsoo didn’t know either. “He won’t hurt you physically, sure, but he’s hurt you emotionally. You’re afraid to trust him, aren’t you?”

Joonmyun stared at his half-filled glass. “I think I can.” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. “I think he’s a changed person, Kyungsoo. So are you. _So am I;_ we’ve all changed. I’m tired of being angry all the time.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m sorry for encouraging that instead of letting you heal. But what are you going to do with him after the investigation? If you’re dropping everything on his case now, what can you use against him?”

Joonmyun buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know. I genuinely do not know.”

“But you’re turning him in, right?” Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed. “It’s one thing to forgive and to heal, but it’s another thing to let a criminal go unpunished.”

Joonmyun sighed and leaned his head on the dining table. “I don’t want to make that decision.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know myself and I know what I’m going to say,” he whispered. “You’re not going to be proud of me.”

“Oh Joonmyun,” Kyungsoo lamented, “what am I going to do with you?” He placed a hand on Joonmyun’s shoulder. “You’re not in love with him again, are you?”

“No!” Joonmyun shot up. “That’s not the case. It’s just— you meet someone. You get to know them. You live with them and you love them, and then everything falls apart. You meet them again, and every movement and every word feels like rubbing salt into a wound.

“Then you’re given this— _false_ fresh start, and you hold onto every ember of anger you have just to keep you from viewing the past with rose-tinted glasses. You have a story to tell, a retcon for your past, but it’s up to you to continue that however you want to. You get to know them again. You live with them again. You start seeing them separately from the person you loved before because times have changed, people have evolved, and… you’re just trying to _live_ again.

“I don’t love him, Kyungsoo. But I’ve talked to him and stayed with him long enough for me to know that he’s just trying to live too. We’re on the same boat.”

Kyungsoo shook his head in exasperation. “Wow. Yifan really brings out the best and the worst in you.” He placed his hand back on Joonmyun’s shoulder, tentatively this time. “You are so strong and so forgiving. Others would have shot him by now, and here you are, talking about letting him go. But he’s manipulating you, and you don’t see it. He’s racking up sympathy because he knows that his fate is in your hands.”

“He thinks we’re really letting him go—”

“Joonmyun, every idiot who’s made a deal with the authorities knows that there’s a loophole to be exploited. He doesn’t trust you fully, and that’s why he’s showing his best side. He could be scamming you again, and you wouldn’t even know until he’s done with you. We won’t always be there to help you pick up your pieces when he does.”

Joonmyun sighed. “We’re not fighting about this again.”

“We’re not fighting,” Kyungsoo said. He cleaned up the table and put their glasses in the sink. “I’m just warning you.”

Joonmyun stood up and walked him to the front door. He handed Kyungsoo his coat on his way out. “I missed you,” Joonmyun said right before Kyungsoo walked past the door. He smiled, squeezed Joonmyun’s forearm, and walked away.

Just like that, Joonmyun was alone again. He washed the dishes and cleaned up the house, but there was something wrong stirring in his stomach. He sat by the window and thought about his past few months with Yifan. Was he being played again? Was he so gullible that Yifan knew all he had to do was break down his defenses and everything would take care of itself?

It sickened him. He was tired of doubting everything and everyone around him; he had enough of that in his actual case. If he treated Yifan like another case, when could he ever catch a break?

Joonmyun dozed off there, but he was shaken awake by Yifan at some time in the night. “You shouldn’t have waited up for me,” he said, but Joonmyun shook him away.

“It’s fine.” He yawned. “Who were you out with?”

“Just some old friends from university,” Yifan said. He helped Joonmyun up and they walked to the bedroom. “Go to sleep. I’ll wash up first.”

“Alright,” Joonmyun said before dropping face first on their bed. He heard Yifan close the bathroom door before he fell asleep again.

Joonmyun’s position hurt his neck after a while, so he sat up and started stretching to warm his body up. Yifan was still in the bathroom, and it was already past two in the morning. Joonmyun was about to knock on the door until he heard Yifan’s frantic voice through the door.

 _“... have to understand. It’ll take some time.”_ He paused. _“No, I’m not done here. Lu Han, listen to me.”_

Joonmyun’s breath hitched when he heard the name. On the record, Yifan claimed to have no contact with Lu Han. He… lied. Again.

_“I just need to finish things up, I promise. In less than a month, yes. Lu Han— Is this Yixing? Can you please tell your damn friend that I’m doing the best I can right now? I can’t exactly operate with a cop breathing down my neck. That’s not— very funny, Yixing. Look, just tell Lu Han that I’ll be there soon. Yeah. Goodbye.”_

Joonmyun turned red with fury. All this time, _all this time_ Yifan did know where Lu Han was. He did have contact with him. For the past few months, Yifan was living his false life. He acted like he turned back on his ways, like he was a changed person. Except he wasn’t. _He lied. Again._

He crawled back into bed by the time Yifan finished in the bathroom. He lied on his back with his head tilted away from Yifan’s usual position. “Good night,” Yifan whispered as he settled underneath the blankets.

Joonmyun felt his heart beat faster and his pulse race as he thought of his conversation with Kyungsoo. He _defended_ Yifan, like the idiot that he was. He told Kyungsoo that Yifan was just trying to live his life the way everyone wanted to live theirs. He told himself that it was time for healing and forgiveness. And he was an idiot for it.

Yifan was snoring. He must have been exhausted that day; the lies started to catch up to him. But he moved his hand to the side and found Joonmyun’s. Instinctively, Joonmyun linked their fingers together as they always did before.

It pained him because he wanted this to work. He wanted to believe in Yifan so badly.

Kyungsoo was right. His friends wouldn’t always be there to help him pick his pieces back up, so he let himself crumble. He let years of betrayal and anger leave scathing marks on his face that he wiped off but could still feel. He let Yifan’s fingers be the only source of warmth that countered the cold seeping into his heart. He let himself break, fully and completely, until he knew that there was nothing worse than the sting of Yifan’s soft touch.

 

 

 

Joonmyun distanced himself because he thought it was the best thing to do. As much as he wanted to stick by Yifan and prevent him from continuing whatever business he had with Lu Han, he was exhausted. He went to his usual haunts and tried to ignore his need to confront Yifan about whatever he heard.

It occurred to him that it could have been a dream, something twisted and terrifying, but he knew it was too vivid to pretend. He wished it were. He wished he could dismiss it as nothing but a manifestation of Kyungsoo’s warnings. That was an escapist’s wish. He was tired of running.

But that was what Joonmyun was doing. If he woke up before Yifan, he would be out of the apartment before Yifan even rose. If Yifan woke up first, he’d rush his way through breakfast and find an excuse to leave. If they both made it in time for dinner, Joonmyun would decline and go straight to sleep.

Yifan caught him once on the night before the shareholders’ meeting. Joonmyun felt his heart crumble when he saw the frustration on Yifan’s face because it was _real._ Yifan was frustrated and terrified of Joonmyun avoiding him and abandoning him. Yifan was worried, not for himself, but for Joonmyun because something was wrong and he knew it.

He didn’t know it was his fault.

“Joonmyun, talk to me,” Yifan said, though his voice made it less of a command and more of a plea. “Something is wrong, and we are too close to a breakthrough for something to happen now.”

“It’s nothing,” Joonmyun said. “Let me go to bed.”

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Joonmyun stopped. “We live under the same roof; I’m pretty sure I can sense if someone is deliberately trying to create distance between me and them.”

“I’m not avoiding you, Yifan. We’ve always been like this—”

“No, we haven’t,” Yifan said. He faced Joonmyun, and they both leaned on the window as they stared each other down. “We’ve come a long way from those two people that moved into this house half a year ago. I can look you in the eyes and tell you that I’m not afraid of what you want to say. Be honest with me. We both deserve that.”

Joonmyun shook his head. “I just feel like something terrible is going to happen tomorrow. That’s it. It’s no big deal.”

“It _is_ a big deal. Something terrible could definitely happen to me or to you or to anyone else in that room tomorrow,” Yifan said. “But how is that related to avoiding me?”

Joonmyun looked outside the window for a while. The city beneath them was bustling as usual, but it all seemed like a blur. The only thing that was vivid in his mind was that moment with Yifan. He could only feel the heat radiating from less than a foot away. He could only smell that gentle cologne he put on everyday. He could only hear Yifan’s breathing as it sped up with Joonmyun closing that distance between them.

Joonmyun had a hand behind his neck again and he reached up to meet Yifan’s lips. Yifan pulled him closer by the hips but let him take control of the kiss itself. And every slight shift, every whispered moan, it was instinct. It was years’ worth of want and need that seeped its way in between them until they were packed too close together for them to ignore it.

Yifan kissed him like he was going to slip away at any second, and that was true. But Joonmyun lived for the thrill that Yifan’s kiss gave him. He lived for that second when they needed to take a breath, and Yifan would bury his face into Joonmyun’s neck to inhale his scent. He lived for Yifan’s hands on his face with his eyes staring into his soul right before he dove in again for another deep kiss.

It had to end, and Joonmyun knew that taking the step forward would be much easier than peeling away from each other. Yifan still cradled his face for a moment longer until he accepted that their moment was over.

“If something terrible happens tomorrow,” Joonmyun’s voice was a deep rasp, “I need to tie loose ends. Close some doors.”

“What?” Yifan said in disbelief. “So you did that as a— what? A twisted goodbye?” Yifan took Joonmyun’s hand, and he made no move to pull it away. “Tell me. That wasn’t work. That wasn’t something you could excuse or defend. That was _you_ and _me,_ doing something we’ve been holding back for weeks. So tell me, what do you really feel?” Joonmyun looked up at him in confusion. _“For me.”_

Joonmyun’s walls shot right back up. He scoffed and shook away his hand. “Don’t think so highly of yourself. I don’t love you the way I did.” And he tried to walk away.

“So are you saying you do?”

Joonmyun turned around. “What?”

“You said you don’t love me the way you did before.” Yifan took a step towards him. “But that doesn’t close off the fact that you could love me now, as who I am _now._ ”

Joonmyun stared at him, eyes hard. He fucked up. He wanted his words to bite; instead he was the one tripping over himself. Yifan had eyes that were deep with want, deep with indignation. He knew he was right; Joonmyun wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

“You really want to know why I kissed you?” Yifan nodded. “Fine. I did it because if something big happens tomorrow, whether one of us gets hurt or we finally crack this case, I never have to see you _ever_ again. I wanted you to live your life always thinking about me and always wondering what would have happened if you were _real_ during that relationship, just because of that kiss.

“But you forced my hand, and I’ll have to rip that fantasy up. If you ever think of coming back to me, asking for a fresh start, it’s never going to happen.”

Yifan stood there, wounded and motionless. “I don’t believe you,” he said. His voice was… deeper than usual. _Quiet. Lost._

“I know,” Joonmyun said. His voice was weak and scared. His bluff was caught but he was still trying to hold it up. “This never happened. Tomorrow… we’re a team.”

“I know,” Yifan said. _Resigned. Tired._

For the first time in months, he went to bed in the other room. Joonmyun stared at the ceiling for hours. The bed felt colder obviously, and he rolled to the side where Yifan’s body made an indentation on the mattress. If he pressed a little harder and curled up a little more, maybe he could feel those hands on his hips and those lips on his neck. Even as a phantom touch, he’d take it all.

 

 

 

If there was tension between them, it took maximum effort to ignore it and focus on their mission. The meeting was going to be held in the afternoon, and they both woke up early to prepare for it. It also helped to know that they both got barely a wink of sleep that night.

“What’s the actual plan?” Yifan asked as he stirred his second cup of coffee for the day.

Joonmyun laid out the blueprints for the building. Yifan raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Don’t ask how I got it. So,” Joonmyun pointed at the auditorium that spanned two floors, “the convention will be held here. Victoria said she’ll reserve seats for us, so it’s likely that we’ll be put towards the front and sides.”

“I got a seat plan.” Yifan pulled out a folder. “We’ll be placed at the side near the stairwell, so we could use that to our advantage.”

“Agreed. I’ll be the one to go to her office on the seventeenth floor. I know where it is and I know the layout and where all the cameras are. You should stay behind and see if anyone important in the room has taken notice,” Joonmyun said.

“Won’t you get caught by the cameras then?”

Joonmyun smiled. “I asked for a little help.”

“Huh, so Sehun’s going to be our eyes. Is anyone else coming?” Yifan asked.

“Just Jongdae and Minseok. Both are dressed as civilians, and I got them invitations so they’ll get in without a hitch. One of them’s going to sit by the main entrance at the back and the other will be on the second floor.” Joonmyun looked at the floor plan again. “That’s pretty solid. What do I do when I get to her office? Is there anything you remember from her emails?”

“Besides the death threats, there’s not much. I remember her transactions were strange at times.” Yifan paused. “There were times when she would pay a small amount to an anonymous recipient and then pay them a lot a while after.”

“If we double-check the dates and match it to the dates of the emails and the date of the sender’s accident—”

“We can somehow form a link between her and those incidents,” Yifan said. “That’s good. Not exactly enough, but it’s something.”

Joonmyun rolled up the blueprint and cleared the table. When he was about to walk away, Yifan placed a hand on his shoulder. It was difficult to ignore the way he flinched at his touch.

“I’m—” Yifan swallowed and looked away. “We’re going to be fine.”

“I know,” Joonmyun said as he shook Yifan’s hand off. “Make sure to bring anything you think you’ll need.”

Joonmyun went back to his room and hid the blueprints and other plans at the back of his closet. He pocketed Sehun’s listening device and hesitated on the gun hidden underneath his bed. He was hoping he didn’t have to use it.

Yifan was waiting by the doorway when Joonmyun finished packing whatever he could in his suit. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Joonmyun muttered as they walked out.

They were overwhelmed by the number of people that turned up in the building. Most were still held in the lobby and outside the building, but those with reserved seats were allowed to come in first.

Joonmyun recognized one of the ushers as Victoria’s assistant. She smiled and approached them. “I’m Sunyoung, your usher for today. Names please.”

“Kim Joonmyun and Wu Yifan,” Joonmyun replied. He looked around in the auditorium again, observing the structure and possible exit points.

The assistant shook her head. “I’m sorry, but there’s only a Wu Yifan on our seat plan.” She double-checked. “Really. I’m so sorry; there must have a mix-up somewhere.”

Joonmyun bit his lip. “Could I just get a seat with him? Surely—”

“I’m sorry, sir, but each chair was specifically labelled for these people.” She looked around at the seats. “We could seat you at the free area as close as possible to the stage, I promise.”

Yifan looked at Joonmyun and nodded. “That’ll be fine, thank you,” Joonmyun said though something felt wrong at the pit of his stomach. Victoria personally invited him; it was unusual for his name to suddenly vanish from her list.

Joonmyun sat almost ten rows behind Yifan. He was right beside the stairwell and side halls, so that was one of the few good things about his day so far. As the hall filled up, Joonmyun lost sight of Yifan. He sent him a quick text. “Are you alright there?”

 _“Still okay. Seated beside people I don’t know which is good.”_ He looked back and smiled at Joonmyun to reassure him. Joonmyun nodded and ushered him away with an uncomfortable look.

 _“Was I embarrassing? Are you blushing right now?”_ Yifan asked in text, but Joonmyun could only imagine his teasing laugh right now.

“Yes. Shut up.”

The lights dimmed when the presentation began. Joonmyun felt his hairs stand on end as the crowd hushed. Victoria stepped onstage to a long round of applause.

“Thank you, thank you everyone.” She smiled and waited for them to calm down. “If you don’t know already—and I have no idea why you’re here if you don’t—” the audience laughed, “I am Victoria Song, CEO of Song Incorporated for the past two years. In that time span, our company has grown exponentially with the help of sponsors, partners, and most especially, our investors. You are the reason why we are _on top._ Give yourselves a round of applause!”

She stood humbly and clapped for the audience, raising a hand when it felt enough. “Besides the financial growth of the company, we have expanded in so many ways. Our line of products has evolved from smartphones to tablets to personal computers that have advanced with the innovations of the Choi Company.” She motioned to Sooyoung who sat stiffly with a small smile seen clearly on the large screen beside the stage.

“We’ve also increased our resources in other countries such as Japan, China, the United States, and even some European countries. This shows that the world is preparing itself for the new generation of giants in the industry.” She looked at her teleprompter briefly. “Now this is only the broadest summary of all the achievements we’ve attained in the past year. My vice president will get into detail on each of those. Have a wonderful day everyone!”

Victoria bowed deeply before handing the mic to the next-in-line, Zhou Mi. He spoke to the crowd with the same charisma that Victoria had, but Joonmyun found it difficult to listen when he could only think of where Victoria went. It was strange that she cut her speech short and left so suddenly.

He felt someone looking at him to his left, but when he looked back, everyone was focused on either the stage or the screen. Joonmyun brought out his phone, set it to the lowest possible brightness, and sent a short message to the entire team in the building.

“Help.”

Sunyoung got his attention from the side. She asked him to come with her. Joonmyun excused himself while walking past the row of people beside him. “Where are we going?” Joonmyun asked. He looked back at Yifan and saw that he only just opened his phone. Sunyoung led him to the stairwell before he could see Yifan’s reaction.

“What is this for?” asked Joonmyun again, but Sunyoung was having none of it. She led him to a service elevator and pressed the button to the rooftop of the building. On it, in the center of a large, empty space, was Victoria.

At that exact moment, Joonmyun thought he was going to die. He walked towards her, and the closer he got, the more he wished he brought a gun. The plan was simple, _too_ simple. Victoria turned around and gave him a blank stare. She started pacing, circling around him.

“This company was fine when my grandfather founded it. He spent all his life bringing it up from the ground, and my father, the asshole that he was, squandered every bit of effort that my grandfather put into it. He was paralyzed; it wasn’t like he could do much to stop him. When my grandfather finally passed and my father was caught in a ‘fatal accident’,” Victoria’s air quotes terrified Joonmyun, “I thought it was time for someone competent to step up.

“I did everything I could in that first year as CEO. I tried to prove to everyone that I was everything this company needed. I played by the rules, I made friends, and I did everything my grandfather did to help us rise from nothing. You know what it got me?” Joonmyun stared at her. _“Absolutely nothing.”_

“So what? Now you kill people to get what you want?” Joonmyun said.

She scoffed at him. “I was tired of playing nice. I am my father’s daughter, no matter how much I hate it. He taught me that being ruthless was necessary, except he never prioritized the company, only his pleasures. I started making deals and associating myself with people who would get the job done. I made bold strokes, and that certainly got the attention of people.

“One by one, they all threatened to kill me because they were threatened _by_ me. Because I wasn’t afraid of stepping on people. Others sent me death threats just because they wanted to mess with _a little girl in a big man’s world._ ” Victoria pulled out a gun from her bag. “They were wrong.

“Sometimes I had them killed just because they pissed me off. Most of the time, I knew that if I made a chess move and took out a bishop or a knight, they would scramble in fear of me touching the king. The first few fell right into that trap. Word spread that someone was out for company hotshots and we weren’t getting touched. Idiots thought that meant we were blessed or something.

“They thought we could protect them; this mysterious assassin wouldn’t touch anyone affiliated with the Song family. They didn’t know the assassin,” she pointed her gun at Joonmyun, “was me.”

At that exact moment, Joonmyun _knew_ he was going to die.

“I know you’re a cop. Baekhyun told me on the night we met. I thought, ‘what would a cop want, going after me in my own party?’ You were smart to bring a con around everywhere; it really establishes trust.” She chuckled. “I let you come close; I let you play around thinking you had the upper hand. I dropped clues, here and there, just enough to keep you chasing but not enough to get me caught.”

“This is a game to you. All of it,” Joonmyun said. His heart was beating like crazy in his chest. Victoria turned off the safety in her silenced gun. _Silenced._ She was prepared to kill.

“It is,” and her laugh was delightfully sweet, it _terrified_ Joonmyun. Because he was going to die. And only she had control of when she was going to pull the trigger.

“They’re going to catch you. This ends today,” said Joonmyun.

“They won’t. I have this place in the palm of my hand.” She tilted her head side to side. “Did you think I didn’t anticipate your people coming into my headquarters like idiots in costume?” Joonmyun bowed his head in shame. _She’s one step ahead all the time._

She glanced at her watch. “Oh, they should be done by now.”

“Done with what?”

“Making short work of your ex-fiancé.”

Joonmyun’s stomach dropped as he ran forward. _“What—”_

Victoria pulled the trigger.

Joonmyun was only shot once his life before. There was a hostage situation at the mall, and everyone was armed. He was wearing a bulletproof vest, but it hit him right at shoulder. He was lucky nothing irreversible happened and he only needed some physical therapy to get it back to normal.

This, _this_ was pain that he could only imagine. She shot him at his side, probably missing her mark due to his sudden movement. Joonmyun collapsed in front of her and clutched the bleeding puncture wound, gasping for air. Victoria was saying something again, probably monologuing, but Joonmyun’s hearing was unfocused and muffled.

He didn’t care. While he was out here, half-dead, Yifan could be just downstairs in a pool of his own blood. And Joonmyun couldn’t pretend that he didn’t care.

Victoria’s feet blurred in and out of his view. She was pacing at first, but she suddenly stopped. Her knees showed tension, and she took on the stance of someone aiming her gun. The vibrations on the cement rooftop grew, and Joonmyun’s non-bleeding side felt every thunderous step that the people behind him took.

He was rolled to his sight by a brash hand, and his eyes cleared enough for him to see that it was Jongdae, frantic and in tears as he screamed at the people around him.

Joonmyun fingers, sticky with drying blood, squeezed Jongdae’s arm before he passed out.

 

 

 

He woke up. That was a miracle in itself.

The doctor checked his vitals and performed seemingly random tests and checks for a while, and everything seemed to be okay. Joonmyun survived with nothing more than a stitched-up abdomen and a headache that wouldn’t quit.

Jongdae and Kyungsoo visited first. They doted on him, as they usually did, and Jongdae sat by his side for the longest time. “I thought you were going to die,” he said.

“Me too,” Joonmyun whispered. His voice hadn’t gone back to normal; apparently he was unconscious for almost four days.

“They said you lost too much blood. I felt that,” Jongdae said. “You were… you were dying in my arms, Joonmyun. Did you feel that too?”

“I did.”

Jongdae smiled. “You’re so lucky to be alive.”

Joonmyun looked out the window and tried to smile. “I know.”

Kyungsoo was finished arranging the flowers he brought in the vase in the hospital room. “You’re really fine? You seem… I don’t know.”

“Like I got shot in the side?” Joonmyun chuckled, but even that was too tiring. “I’m exhausted.”

Jongdae stood up and took his coat. “We get that. We’ll let you rest.”

“Let me use the bathroom in here for a bit,” Kyungsoo said before closing the door behind him.

After Jongdae waved to Joonmyun at the doorway, he suddenly jumped back when he turned around. It was Minseok, smiling at Joonmyun with a bruise around his left cheek. Jongdae gave them some space.

“What happened to your face?” asked Joonmyun. Minseok pressed the fainting bruise.

“A guard socked me on the way up to the rooftop,” he said. Minseok pulled the chair closer to his bed. “You want to know about the case?”

Joonmyun perked up. “Tell me. What happened to Victoria?”

“She obviously shot you, so that wasn’t good publicity for her. We finally opened up her emails and transaction records, and they confirmed your theory. We’re still trying to confirm the identities of the various senders of course. Victoria could have written those just to give a reason for her attacks. If they are real, they’ll be taken in as well.

“Other than that, you were right. The two payments were a down payment to the assassin and a full pay on the day of the incident. Yifan told us about that.”

Joonmyun was supposed to ask about Yifan, but Kyungsoo exited the bathroom and froze at the sight of Minseok. They stared at each other, bowed, and watched as Kyungsoo left the room. Joonmyun cocked an eyebrow. “What was that about?”

Minseok chuckled. “We had a small fight over a month ago. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Will you two be alright?” When Minseok shrugged, Joonmyun shook his head. “That fight doesn’t seem so small.”

“It really is,” Minseok said. He stood up and patted Joonmyun’s hair down. “Thank you for everything, Joonmyun. I know this entire experience— it wasn’t easy. It cost you a lot, but we’ll never forget those sacrifices. I’ll see you back in the force whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you, captain,” Joonmyun said. They shook hands, but Minseok leaned down for a hug anyway.

“You have no idea how terrified we all were of losing you.” The crack in his voice said enough. “I’m going.” He waved goodbye and left before Joonmyun’s nurse came in to check on him again.

Joonmyun fell asleep briefly after she left. He didn’t feel like he was dreaming, and when he woke up, he was more exhausted than before. His body was heavier than usual, and his mind wasn’t as sharp. He was startled when he heard a soft snoring sound.

When he looked to his side, he saw Yifan sleeping on the couch. He looked tired too; there were cuts and bruises all over his face. Joonmyun remembered that precise moment when his eyes glazed over and he was consumed by fear and rage that he couldn’t explain. Now he knew that Yifan was alive and well enough, and it would be enough.

Yifan stirred, and his eyes softened further when he saw that Joonmyun was awake. He rushed to his side and held his hand. “Hey,” he whispered.

“Hi.” Joonmyun smiled at him, lost in the moment. Yifan sat down beside him and pressed his forehead against Joonmyun’s shoulder. He could feel Yifan’s cheeks lift into a smile against the thin fabric of his hospital gown.

Yifan stared at him, with his smile burning brightest in those eyes, before he leaned forward and kissed Joonmyun on the lips. This time, there was no rush, no urgency. They were both alive and well, and Joonmyun _needed_ this. He needed the real reminder that they experienced this together and they survived it all. He needed to forget his own issues just for a few seconds of bliss with a man he once loved. It stung to remember why he was so furious with Yifan. It hurt to know that he would never be able to erase that crushing memory from his mind, and he didn’t want to.

Yifan pulled away first, and he made several attempts to say something before he finally settled on one.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry for everything. But know this: the one thing I could never lie about was what I felt for you. That was real.”

As much as his heart soared, a part of Joonmyun couldn’t shake off the embers of anger he thought he got rid of. “Just because you loved me, that doesn’t mean… At least now I know there was something real in all those years you lied to me.”

“And isn’t that all we need?” Yifan was still holding his hand the way they always did before.

“What? No. A real relationship has respect, and honesty, and _trust._ I don’t think I can trust you after everything,” said Joonmyun. _Cold. Stay cold. Stay detached._

Yifan let go of his hand gently. “What do you mean? Didn’t you trust me with your life when you asked for my help?” His voice was rising, pace speeding up.

“I trusted you not to give me false information. I trusted that you had a network of other untrustworthy people around to help me. During the mission, I trusted that you had a good enough sense of self-preservation and you wouldn’t betray me or rat me out. But I don’t think I’ll ever trust you enough to let you back into my life.”

Joonmyun screamed at himself inside. He was torn between wanting to be the person he preached about to Kyungsoo and letting Yifan realize that the damage he dealt could never be erased from Joonmyun’s identity.

“So… you used me,” Yifan said. He looked crushed, void.

“Isn’t that what you did to me?”

Yifan looked away. “You know I regret that.”

They stayed silent for a few seconds. That was when Joonmyun decided to play his last card. “And I heard you. Talking to Lu Han. You said you were done—”

Yifan groaned. “It’s not what it sounds like—”

“You said you weren’t associated with him anymore. Were you going to play me again? Was that the plan?” It was his turn to raise his voice. Joonmyun _thought_ he trusted him. Joonmyun _thought_ he was worthy of that.

“Trust me, Joonmyun. The plan isn’t about you—”

“So there was a plan.” He sat up, ignoring the slight pain at his side. “You said you changed. You said you were just trying to live your life in peace! And you lied, _again._ ”

“Hear me out, please.” Yifan started pacing. He had the liberty of doing that; Joonmyun was stuck on a bed, furious but unable to release it physically.

“Lu Han… he’s sick,” Yifan started. “He’s been going around with Yixing, trying to look for a place to get treated. They found a facility and a doctor that’s willing to put him through a clinical trial in the U.S. They’ve been there for a while now, and they wanted me to come visit.” Yifan stared at Joonmyun. “That’s it. The only thing you’re accusing me of is being a good friend.”

Joonmyun looked down in shame. Yifan was still pacing, endlessly whispering to himself. He stopped right in front of Joonmyun. “Are you going to use this against me now? Is that how low you’re willing to go?”

When their eyes met, Yifan knew he won. Joonmyun sat there, in shame and in disarray, as if he was breaking from within. He was.

“I don’t want to see you,” Joonmyun said, voice barely above a whisper.

“Same here,” Yifan replied. He took his coat from the couch and walked over to Joonmyun’s bed. “I can’t even look at you right now—”

“This is not over,” said Joonmyun. “We just need… time.”

Yifan released a puff of breath and leaned against the frame of Joonmyun’s bed. When he looked up, Joonmyun could see the trace of a smile. “Why can’t we ever just give up?”

“I know—we _both_ know—we’ve been through too much to give this up.”

“And when we meet again,” Yifan made eye contact, “will you finally forgive me? For everything, Joonmyun.”

They paused in silence. Joonmyun’s mind went back to that conversation with Kyungsoo, something that felt like it was so long ago. He _wanted_ to trust Yifan. He wanted to feel as if that love that Yifan spoke of could be enough to mend some of the gaping wounds left between them. He wanted to stop missing his touch whenever he felt lonely. He wanted to stop wanting Yifan’s kiss when he knew that it would always be a scattered memory or a far-off dream.

Joonmyun gave Yifan a chance to free himself. He wanted a chance too.

“When we’re ready,” Joonmyun said, eyes soft as he looked up at Yifan, “we’ll both be forgiven.”

Yifan lifted his hand, tried to touch Joonmyun, but he knew they weren’t ready for that yet. So he walked away with his steps faltering as he got closer and closer to the door. He looked back at Joonmyun. “I’ll see you then.”

“I’ll find you,” said Joonmyun. When Yifan turned to leave the room, Joonmyun liked to imagine that there was a hint of a smile somewhere on his tired features.

Joonmyun fell asleep as his mind began to wander. He dreamed of that rooftop where he almost died. He dreamed of standing at the edge and staring at the city before him. He dreamed of standing there day and night as the lights breathe and grow. He dreamed of falling, of flying for a split second, but he only fell deep into the ocean.

Beside him were furniture from his apartment with Yifan, a soaked blueprint, random pieces of clothing they had in their shared closet, and the two pictures they had of themselves in their living room. Joonmyun reached out to grab it, but as he did, he slowly started floating upwards. As much as he wanted to hold onto it, to see it one last time, he knew that it was only weighing him down. He let go of the frame, and his surroundings slowly morphed from the middle of the ocean to the top of that building yet again. This time, he didn’t feel the urge to jump.

When he woke up, he felt at peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joonmyun’s side itched as he was reading his favorite book in the old coffee shop beside his apartment. He knew the scar just formed, but the strange sensation was unbearable. It took all his self-control for him not to pick on it.

It had been a few months since everything had happened. Joonmyun gave up the badge after a few weeks of being back in service. He knew it felt a lot like giving up, but they knew how exhausted he was. Joonmyun wasn’t as fit as he was before, and he struggled with having to tend to his wound for so long. Being benched wasn’t his ideal on being a detective.

So Minseok let him resign. They would go out almost every week, and it felt like nothing had changed. Jongdae still confided in him whenever he was tired from all the stupid grunt work Minseok gave him; Minseok still confided in him whenever Jongdae was purposely slacking around just to piss him off; and Kyungsoo still avoided everyone else like the plague just to spare himself from another headache. These were his friends, his support system, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

But at the end of it, he was still tired. He still longed for something that he didn’t want to put a name to.

He wondered where Yifan was at this point. He wondered if Lu Han was alright and if Yixing was still putting up with him just because they had been through so much already. He wondered if Yifan was enjoying himself somehow. Joonmyun wasn’t.

That was how he found himself in that coffee shop everyday, reading and rereading books he loved and books he tolerated. It kept his mind busy even if his body wasn’t. It kept his mind from wandering too far into the possibilities of his life that he could never actualize.

He saw a cup being placed on his table and heard the chair across him being pulled back. “I didn’t order that, and that seat is reserved,” he said absentmindedly, not looking up from his book. He wasn’t in the mood for any pricks today.

“That’s for you, and I know it is. For me.”

Joonmyun stopped at the second word on the page when he heard that deep voice again. He looked up, just to make sure, and it still took him by surprise to see Yifan sitting there. He looked like he lost weight again, and the dark hair suited him. Joonmyun put his book down and stared at him one more time.

“What are you doing here?” Joonmyun said with a hint of a smile. He didn’t expect that reaction from himself, but Yifan reciprocated with a smile of his.

“I don’t know. You said you’d find me, but I got a little impatient.”

“So you’re saying you’re ready?” Joonmyun asked. He didn’t mean to sound so hopeful, but… he was. He was very hopeful.

“I was waiting for you,” Yifan said, his smile a little muted but still sincere. Joonmyun had his eye on the ring on his finger.

“You can’t still be wearing that,” Joonmyun whispered.

“But I am,” Yifan said, quietly confident. “And so are you.”

Joonmyun chuckled, relief flooding his senses. He fiddled with his ring again, something he didn’t take off even after the entire undercover operation. If Yifan could still make him feel this way, as if they finally had that fresh start that they needed, maybe they were right to not give up so easily.

Yifan took his hand and kissed Joonmyun’s knuckles. Joonmyun waved him away, laughing at the attention they got from some of the other customers in the room. “Get out of here,” he said, awkwardly blushing behind his book.

“Your wish is my command,” Yifan said as he stood up.

“Don’t.” Joonmyun pulled his hand down. “Stay.”

“I’ll come back. I promise.” Yifan said it like he meant it.

For once, Joonmyun trusted him.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m back?  
> forgive the weird plotholes and inconsistencies, if ever. i struggled with developing this as a zootopia AU —> the catch AU —> something else entirely  
> cookies to anyone who gets all the hamilton references (+ that 1 kingdom hearts reference i deliberately googled)!!!!  
> title from tegan and sara’s 100x
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/amenochieien)!!!


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